Last year’s 3D softcore success story out of China, 3D Sex & Zen: Extreme Ecstasy (incorrectly identified as the “first” 3D porno), is set to get a sequel. 63-year-old Hong Kong film producer Stephen Shiu has announced plans for 4D Sex and Zen: Slayer of a Thousand from the Mysterious East. A four-dimensional porno?!? Does this mean I can finally go back in time and have sex with high school girls to make up for all the time I spent not having sex in high school? WAIT, NO, I WANT TO BUTTF*CK HITLER!
The 63-year-old producer revealed that he aims to achieve this by installing vibrating seats in cinemas that will be screening the 4D movie, a technology which had already been introduced in Hong Kong, and which will serve to enhance the viewers’ experience. [Yahoo]
God dammit. FOR THE LAST TIME, PEOPLE, A SENSE IS NOT THE SAME THING AS A DIMENSION. You can’t promise people a journey into another dimension and then just tickle their vagina. Well, you can, but I’m pretty sure you’d have to give them their money back if they asked. That said, I like the idea of a bunch of Chinese people traveling hours by bus from the mainland to sit in a movie theater with a room full of other Chinese people wearing goggles while a vibrating chair gives them orgasms. It’s like the biggest-budget episode of Real Sex of all time.
In addition, busty Taiwanese model Alina Hsu (pictured) has been under Shiu’s radar for some time and rumours have it that she may be casted as the female lead.
Following this, 30-year-old Hsu has contested against these rumours via her microblog Weibo online. She added that the producer has not even approached her regarding his idea and that the media had reported the false information without obtaining her confirmation first.
“I will never star in “Sex And Zen”, be it 3D or 4D. I will not even do nudity in my picture book, let alone in a movie…” she wrote, but stressed that she is not looking down on the adult film industry.
Well la di da, you’re highness. Excuuuse us for appreciating your supple bosoms and wanting to express that appreciation by putting on 3D goggles and getting our butts vibrated while a hot dude shoots his goo on you. A million apologies, Princess Fancy, I guess we’re the weird ones.
Also be on the lookout for “Sex and Zen in the City 3D,” in which a Chinese man tries to jizz on a horse while it neighs about clothes.