A Drunk Australian Woman Watched ‘Braveheart’ And Attacked Her Neighbors With A Sword

While it’s not exactly as light-hearted as some topless prostitutes reenacting scenes, a woman on Chevron Island in Australia took Braveheart impressions to a whole new level back in May when she reportedly chased her neighbors around with a sword. Except, this wasn’t just a story of “Haha, it’s like Braveheart because she’s Australian and Mel Gibson is Australian and they’re both insane and she had a sword just like William Wallace,” because she was actually inspired by the film.

Forty-four year old Simone Nicole Bruce was drinking wine and watching Braveheart on May 28, when she suddenly decided that she might be related to the Future King of Scots, Robert the Bruce, and took to her driveway with her son’s sword. Yesterday, she pleaded guilty in court to all charges and accepted punishment, but not without a little humor from those whacky Aussie lawmakers.

In sentencing, Southport magistrate Michael Hogan decided he would take her plea but not her freedom, granting her 18 months probation.

The prosecutor, tongue firmly in cheek, asked the court to add a probation condition that she refrain from watching other violent films.

“Your honour, I would make an application that she does not watch Kill Bill,” Sergeant Michael Campbell said. (Via Gold Coast)

*plays wacky didgeridoo*

I was kind of hoping that they’d tie her to a giant rack and have a man with a black hood begin unveiling a variety of Medieval tools that he was going to use on her while another hooded man prepared to start turning a giant wheel, only to stop and tell her they were just joking. Then they’d all drink a Foster’s and flush their toilets so the water would go down counterclockwise.

And this concludes today’s edition of everything I think I know about Australia.