Adele’s Bond theme is the worst Bond theme in history

I posted a clip the other day, but here’s Adele’s full Bond theme song from Skyfall. Actually, I was just kidding about it being the worst with that headline. It’s just that I heard headlines with wild overstatements are good for generating pageviews. Stocks, bonds, it’s all about buying low, selling high, dressing for the job you want and keeping a good attitude dolla dolla bill, y’all, I read about it in Rich Dad Poor Dad.

Anyway, the song sounds pretty much exactly the way you’d expect a James Bond song to sound. Adele even does the white-British-singer-copying-American-black-singers-from-the-sixties thing in a much subtler, more effective way than Amy Winehouse used to (though with a similarly disappointing lack of blackface). It’s pretty good, but I don’t know why they always make these songs so serious. Just once I’d like to hear a commercial-style jingle that celebrates all the product placement, about how James Bond is such a hip dude who only drinks Heineken and wears the fanciest watches, and drives Aston Martins because brand loyalty is important. I bet the Black Eyed Peas even already have a song like that. “Coke Pepsi Gucci FUN!”

Actually, some guy already wrote the perfect Bond song (“he’ll ski on your lunch, if he wants to…), but MGM pulled it from YouTube. What a bunch of jerks. Hey, MGM, the jerk store called. They’re out of you.