Baby Goose And Russell Crowe Play Detectives In A Shane Black Noir Drama

Hold on to your butts, little lambs. Fresh off the news that he gooed a million micro geese in Eva Mendes, Ryan Gosling, your boyfriend no more, the babiest of the gooses, All-Americanest of the Canadians, throbbingest of all hearts and sweetest of all man candies, is going to be in a Shane Black movie. Vulture reports:

Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe have signed on to star in Iron Man 3 director Shane Black’s noir police drama The Nice Guys. The film follows a pair of detectives named Jackson Healy and Holland March (great detective names) in 1970s L.A. who end up uncovering a sprawling murder conspiracy when investigating the suicide of a porn star.

All I need is “pair of detectives” and Shane Black. Reserve my seats now. Can this just be a one man show? I have zero objections to Ryan Gosling playing every character, particularly the porn star. Considering Gosling (title of my memoir, btw) has talked about quitting acting more than once, we should be milking him  ; )  for all that we can get. Do cologne commercials, produce top 40 songs, lead TV shows, make documentaries about those TV shows, and yes, star in every movie as every character. I want to wake up in a world where it’s entirely possible that Ryan Gosling is our absurd diety/dictator, bent on saturating culture but only because he’s a little insecure and needs our help! Maniacal with a heart of dandelion clouds and neon water slides.