'Fat kid raised by whales becomes an Olympic swimmer': Best premise ever?

Game over, everyone. Put down your pens and typewriters, the last great premise has been discovered.

“Beached” centers on a chubby 4-year-old child who falls overboard during a family outing, is raised by whales and goes on to become a champion swimmer.
Jon Turteltaub, best known for his work on Disney’s National Treasure movies, has come aboard to develop Fox 2000’s Beached as a directing vehicle.
has been in development since 1997 and came in the form of a script from Ted Griffin, the writer of Steven Soderbergh’s all-star Ocean’s Eleven and more recently Tower Heist. [THR]

IT’S LIKE SEABISCUIT MEETS NELL! This was 15 years in the making?! Why did this need to be re-written? A story this perfect writes itself. I can see it now… Paul Blart is the toast of the town, the fastest swimmer around, but when he tries to date, he’s like a WHALE OUT OF WATER! Halfway through his first date with nerdy Marine Biologist Brooklyn Decker, he FARTS WATER ALL OVER HER PLATE AND CAN’T STOP CHUGGING PLANKTON! The culture clash is tough at first, but she falls in love with him anyway because deep down she knows it’s what’s inside that counts, and he has a heart as big as the ocean. “We ain’t nothin’ but mammals…” coming this Earth Day.

This script used to have a red herring, but Paul Blart ate it! (*record scratch*) (*fart*) (*whale sound*)