BREAKING: Paramount Shuts Down Production on Michael Bay's Ninja Turtles

Cowabummer, dudes. Looks like you’ll have to wait until at least 2014 for that Michael Bay-produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie where the turtles are “edgy, lovable aliens” this time. It’s actually the third Paramount property to get an extreme delay after GI Joe was pushed back a year (test audiences hated it) and World War Z did same (AND got a new writer).

The effects-heavy film, which was in preproduction in Vancouver, was set for release in December 2013. That date is being pushed to May 2014, according to sources.
Paramount has halted work on its planned holiday movie for 2013, temporarily laying off preproduction staff and informing those prepping the film that the work stoppage is “indefinite,” according to sources. Another source close to the production says the movie has been pushed by ten weeks.

Michael Bay’s Platinum Dunes is producing and Jonathan Liebesman (Wrath of the Titans, Battle Los Angeles) is set to direct from a script by Kevin Eastman and Andre Nemec. Other key players include Bourne franchise line producer Denis Stewart and effects man Dan Bradley (Mission: Impossible — Ghost Protocol).
The studio had paid media mogul Haim Saban a hefty sum for rights to the property, which had been the basis for three hit movies for New Line Cinema in the 1990s. [THR]

Hopefully it’s off for good. The only thing worse than Michael Bay turning teenage mutant ninja turtles into edgy, lovable aliens are people who think he somehow sodomized their childhood by doing so. Bros? I know we were 10, but Ninja Turtles were always pretty stupid. It’s called “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.” They were basically “Poochie the dog with attitude,” only in real life, people are totally susceptible to that kind of pandering.