Hi, you sexy hunk of male meat!
I’m 22 years old and 5’4″. My measurements are 36-25-36 but as I’ve learned, it’s not how much you have, it’s how you sling it around.
I really dig everything about you. Your looks, your build, your sexy smile and deep bedroom eyes. And your moustache. Say, Burt, that mustache is a real womb broom.
My personal goals:
1. To meet Burt Reynolds.
2. To meet Burt Reynolds.
3. To meet Burt Reynolds.
Yours (any time, any place)
CONNIE L., LINCOLN, NEB.
I read “how you sling it around,” and instantly crapped my pants. Then I changed pants, read “womb broom” and crapped them again. WOMB BROOM!?! I don’t know how cunnilingus worked in the seventies, but it sounds… invasive. And it doesn’t end there. Even the book’s jacket copy is a priceless source of greeeazy seventies slang:
“Burt Reynolds is America’s newest Sex Symbol, star of movies, TV, stage, and Cosmo centerfolds. Passion flower to eager femmes from 8 to 80, he is a virile, witty, gracious, warm, lovable, hotter’n firecrackers hunk of male who likes nothing better than reclining his fabulous fanny on bearskin rugs, rapping with his fans and their endless stream of letters.” [ApeCulture]
Man oh man. I don’t even know what the best part of that is. Virile? Passion flower? The bearskin rugs? The hotter’n firecrackers? No, I think it’s actually the notion that referring to a man’s “fanny” was once considered naughty talk. Here’s more:
- Honest to God, Burt, the thing in the world I’d most like to do is f*ck your brains out. How about it? Horny in Buffalo
- I have your pictures all over my bedroom. At night I go to bed with the lights on just gazing at them. Then I get so excited I do something to myself that makes me so disgusted afterwards. Hot and Bothered in Columbus
- Enclosed is a picture of our daughter, 34 years of age, and her doctor says she’s one in 5000. He says she’s still a “good girl”-if you get what I mean. Proud Mom
- So you hear that mating meow? Guess where it’s coming from. It’s coming from my little pussy. It keeps crying for you all the time. “Burt, I need you” it cries day and night. It’s such a darling little thing, too, so furry and sweet. Prissy L
MOTHER OF GOD. “FURRY AND SWEET.” By the way, I don’t think any guy has ever said, “Ooh, tell me more about this 34-year-old virgin.” And by the way, why is the doctor still examining a 34-year-old’s hymen? And why would he be discussing it with her mother? Why is she one in 5000? Is that the odds of Down Syndrome? You know what, I don’t want to know.
Okay, just a few more, before I have to clean this vomit off my keyboard: