Chet Haze is playing SXSWeezy, y’all

A week ago, I’d still be convinced this whole Chet Haze thing was an elaborate joke.  I mean, come on, if someone told you to think of the whitest, most un-street background for a fictional rapper, “son of Tom Hanks who attends Northwestern and is named Chet” would be right up there near the top behind one of the Duggars. (Though I could easily imagine a Juggalo Duggar).  He seems like the personification of the fictional persona Burnsy has created for C-Tates.  But to date, as far as anyone can tell, Chet Haze is serious.  Between almost-too-good-to-be-real Tweets such as:

  • “Nothin on my mind but the dimesack we blazed”
  • “Flippin thru an issue of The New Yorker right now feelin real Waspy lol”
  • “Red bull is the henessey of energy drinks”
  • and, “Traffic, traffic, looking for my chapstick”

…he announced via his recently-verified Twitter account that he’ll be playing the SXSW fest next month.  He also recently did an interview with Vice for which they met at a Whole Foods. The interviewer thinks Chet is for real, but possibly the “least self-aware person on Earth.”  Some excerpts from that:

Vice: Hi Chet. Tell me about yourself.
Chet Haze: I’m 20 years old, I’m a student at Northwestern University. I was born and raised in Los Angeles and er, I’m a rapper. I make hip-hop.

What are you studying?
Theater. [PERFORMANCE ART! -Ed.]

What made you decide to become a rapper?
It was out of my love and passion for hip-hop, it just happened. It wasn’t a conscious decision, there wasn’t like, a moment with me where I was like, this is what I wanna do. So, it is what I do ya know? I make music.

Talk me through a typical day for Chet Haze.
I go to my classes during the day, I spend some time just chilling, living the college life, doing the social thing. I’m in a fraternity, any other time I have I spend in the studio, making music.

We don’t have fraternities in the UK. I only really know what they are from movies. It’s a bunch of sporty people getting drunk from those red plastic cups and picking on nerds, right?
Haha, it’s basically a group of people who are all really good friends and they all have your back. Ya know?


Like a gang?
More like a social club. I would say.

What made you decide to release your mixtape on Valentine’s Day?
It’s a memorable date. And also because like, for girls, it can act as their Valentine’s Day gift.

So the mixtape is your Valentine’s gift for all women?
Yeah, it’s a gift for the girls. And also the rap game in general. And for the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre.

The St Valentine’s Day massacre?
Yeah. It happened in Chicago.

What is your songwriting method?
I write my rhymes down on my Blackberry.

Most of his Tweets say “sent from my Blackberry”, so we can assume he’s probably telling the truth about that.  Which is sad, because son, whatchoo NEED to do is get yo ass an iPad.  I spit hot fire on my iPad.  They’re like the Henessey of electronic smart tablets.

[hat tip: AV Club]