Chuck Norris does Robocalls for Gingrich, says his dad could beat up your dad

I’ve said it

Here’s the transcript:

“As my wife Jean and I watched the GOP debate and went to the website, we were trying to decide which of the candidates would be best to do head-to-head combat with President Obama,” says Norris in the call. “Now, I didn’t say hand-to-hand combat, even though I think they would win there too. Jean and I decided that Newt Gingrich would be the best man to beat President Obama. Under Newt’s leadership, the budget was balanced, taxes were cut, and we began to pay down our national debt. These policies helped create 11 million new jobs. As president, Gingrich will repeal Obamacare, get rid of Obama’s Czars, and use common-sense measures like building the Keystone pipeline to lower the cost of gas to two-and-a-half dollars per gallon.”

I’m sorry to get political since so many of you come here for a respite from that bullshit, but whatever your leanings, I hope we can agree that trying to convince old people that we’re being invaded by Nicholas II-era Bolsheviks because there are policy advisors called “Czars” is an Idiocracy-level, and not-very-Norris, political strategy.

In other Norris-related news, Stallone now says that The Expendables 2 will now be rated R, despite previous rumors to the contrary:

“After taking in all the odd rumors and hearsay, ‘EXPENDABLES II‘ is an R.” [StalloneZone]

If you’ll remember, those “odd rumors” came directly from Stallone’s mouth, when he previously told his BFF Harry Knowles:

Harry, the film is fantastic with Van Damme turning in an inspired performance… Our final battle is one for the ages. The PG13 rumor is true, but before your readers pass judgement,  trust me when I say this film is LARGE in every way and  delivers on every level. This movie touches on many emotions which we want to share with the broadest audience possible, BUT, fear not, this Barbeque of Grand scale Ass Bashing will not leave anyone hungry…Sly

It was previously rumored that the PG-13 rating had been mandated by Norris, and that it was a condition of him appearing in the film. No word on whether this means Norris has been cut out of the film or if producers just started ignoring him like everyone else (the latter seems the more likely scenario, and probably better for everyone in the long run).

In related news, Rick Santorum, who actually won the Alabama GOP primary, has promised to push through a constitutional amendment outlawing grand-scale ass bashings, be they barbeque or otherwise. AW COME ON, RICK! I’M SO HUNGRY!