Comments of the Week

Senior Editor
08.26.12 36 Comments

Hi, folks, it’s Comments of the Week time again. I haven’t been great at giving out prizes lately, but I’m trying to change that this week. I have the following for give away:

1. FilmDrunk shirts, provided you are a Medium, 2X, 3X, or want a red one.

2. 2011 Best Foreign Picture Oscar Winner A Separation on Blu-Ray.

3. 2011 Best Foreign Picture Oscar Nominee Footnote on Blu-Ray.

4. TIFF Audience Award Best Picture Winner Where Do We Go Now on Blu-Ray.

5. Ghost Rider 2, Spirit of Vengeance on Blu-Ray.

And this week, I’m awarding Comments of the Week to almost the entire thread from the Real-Life Toddler Fight Club thread. If you’re one of these commenters, email me to collect a prize (first come, first served, just like sex).

 Nussy: Marla, she’s like the boo-boo on your knee that would just heal if someone kissed it, but they won’t.

Jessolido: Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Raymond K. Hessel’s life; His breastmilk will taste better than any meal you and I have ever tasted.

MickTravis4Life: Hith name if Wobut Pawlfun. Hith name ith Wobut Pawlfun.

Jessolido: All right- if the applicant is young, tell him he’s too young. Old, too old. Fat, too fat. If the applicant then waits for three days without a juicebox, blankey, or encouragement he may then enter and begin naptime.

Prae7oriaN: I am Jack’s soiled Huggies.

meh: i wanted to destroy something beautiful *looks down at tattered elmo*

Jessolido: It must’ve been Tuesday. He was wearing his cornflower-blue Osh Kosh B’Goshes.

Nussy: “I’ll take Whooping cough Monday and Croup Wednesdays, You can have SIDS Survivors Tuesday”
“You can’t have both coughs”
“Fine you can have Croup, I’ll take Scarlet Fever Thursday.”

ChinoMoreno: 6th Rule: No onesies, no booties.

Erswi: You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same poopy-headed dumb dumb as everybody else.

Moose: This is Bob. Bob threw bitch fits.

Brundlefly Swatter: You can swallow a pint of formula before you get sick.

(*applause sound effect*) Well done, everyone. That was some of this comment section’s best work. The Best of the Rest I think has to start with Jessolido in the Poster for Spielberg’s Lincoln thread:

Jessolido: Montage where he tries on a bunch of different hats before settling on the stovepipe or GTFO.

Genius. In related news, sources tell me Lincoln will have multiple, lingering shots of Daniel Day-Lewis’s bare penis, as Spielberg goes all in trying to win that first acting Oscar.

From LL Cool J broke a hobo’s jaw:

Alcoholics Gratuitous: What’s the matter hobo, forget your invisible juice?

Damn, I was searching for that perfect Any Given Sunday reference, but I think that one takes it. Really, it’s hard not to love any comment that starts with “What’s the matter, hobo…”

From Tony Scott suicide (picture included because this one’s visual):

Erswi: This sucks and all but I’m glad he went in such an open and visible to the public way. If this sh*t happened in private and was in any way asphyxia-related my first suspect would’ve been dem tittays.

It’s never too soon for a big boobs joke, I suppose. Not that too soon ever stops you people.

From Tom Hardy wins a modeling contest against Michael the British Male Model:

Zombie Jesus X:

“He’s so good looking, I’d honestly think it’s gayer not to kind of want to bang him.”

This is the “really quite something” Sorkinism of the Mancini-Ufford corgispace, assuming that Aaron Sorkin was five whiskeys deep and had his index through ring finger in his back business.

Nailed it. That would be a winner for “Mancini-Ufford Corgispace” alone.

Homo_Erectus: I couldn’t get past the image of a commercial pitch… “With the economy the way it is, it’d be more expensive NOT to bang him!”

Anyway, helluva week, folks, helluva week. Also, I don’t care what you guys say, this picture of Michael the British Male Model makes me laugh every time I look at it:

That is just the nexus of all awful, late 90s fashion trends, all coming together on a face that’s a dead ringer for the squeaky-voiced teenager on The Simpsons:


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