Comments Of The Week: Superfriends Edition

03.30.15 3 years ago 28 Comments
Nic Cage met Axel Rose and it was hard to tell who was more bedazzled.

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Nic Cage met Axel Rose and it was hard to tell who was more bedazzled.

Comments of the Week is back, and I’m giving away FilmDrunk shirts (BUY YOURS HERE) to each week’s winner. We don’t have an upvoting function yet, so in the meantime, you’ll have to bookmark this post and paste your favorite comments in the comments section from which I’ll choose each week’s winner. Got it? Good.

It’s that time of the week again, folks. It’s time to reward your cheekiness with cheap trinkets and hollow praise. We begin, as always, with the honorable mentions before working up to the t-shirt winner.

From the new Entourage Movie trailer:

Verbal Kunt: Since Brett Ratner signed that deal where he would finance every single WB movie, it’s always bummed me out a bit just seeing his name appear in trailers and such. Even though I know he’s just a money man and has no creative influence on the projects, somehow an alarm still goes off in my head. Just imagining his greasy fingers- adorned with stray ass-hairs from scratching too vigorously- all over nice things is enough to give me a headache. His lips glazed in butter, salted with beads of sweat, smacking something unintelligible because despite thousands of hours of practice he hasn’t yet figured out how to speak and chew at the same time. His puffy cheeks propped up by the bags under his vacant, detached eyes. The thought of it all just sends shivers down my spine.

That said, he seems like a perfect fit for this movie.

Dick E. Phuck: If I wanted to see a bunch of douchebags party and do wacky things I’d move to Whatever, USA.

I normally avoid any comment longer than a sentence or two (unless it’s a Schnitzel Bob fan fiction, which I print out and save for later), but this one was worth it.

From Arnold Schwarzenegger protects zombie Abbigail Breslin:

Chareth Cutestory: “Thees sunken-eyed monstah ees completely dependent on me. But enough about mein ex wife.”

The “German Borcht Belt comedian” concept never gets old for me. From This Week in Posters:

gregplaysdrums: Ah, the Miley Cyrus Freak Donkey Attack of 2015. That poor donkey never stood a chance.

Solid wordplay there. From the Southpaw trailer, aka Jake Gyllenhaal, the mirror smashing machine:

Chareth Cutestory: “You need to get out there and win this fight. Sure, your wife and daughter are gone and your dreams have been shattered like so many shards of powder room mirror. But if you win this, you’ll be able hold your head high. You’ll be able to look at yourself in…well…the back of a spoon or something, since the powder room mirror is-”

“JESUS CHRIST, I’LL BUY YOU A NEW MIRROR.”

“I mean, I had JUST hung it.”

Verbal Kunt: I hope Jakey G never makes a movie with Spike Lee. He won’t know whether to abuse the mirrors verbally or physically.

You may notice that this week is mostly our perennial all-star commenters. I’d love to get new blood in here, but the Old Guard simply could not be denied this week. In fact, my top pick is yet another Chareth Cutestory joint.

From Weekend Box Office:

Chareth Cutestory: [Vin Diesel in his dress stilts, struggling for 20 minutes to take a knee at Paul Walker’s tombstone]

I know Chareth is a previous winner, but the heart wants what it wants. Chareth, send me your address and shirt size to collect your FilmDrunk shirt.

UNTIL NEXT WEEK…

SOON.

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SOON.

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