Comments of the Week: Dildo Fire Edition

09.16.13 4 years ago 34 Comments

The suit is still the most ridiculous part.

After a brief hiatus, Comments of the Week are back! Fortunately, two weeks off results in a mighty fine collection of gut wrenchin’, belly bustin’, knee slappin’ and prostate ticklin’ comments that deserve to be celebrated. As always with these weekly circle jerks, turn your cell phones off and follow my lead.

Thanks to Corey Feldman’s performative virility / rotting psyche, we can all have a good chuckle at his expense.

Larry: Plus he got that belt by winning Fight Club at Neverland Ranch in 1986. 3rd Rule: “Seriously, do *not* talk about Fight Club at Neverland Ranch.”

HairyForeskin: I’m gonna take you to the bank, Ms. Whitney.

The Sperm Bank.


A dude I take as seriously as Corey Feldman is Kim Jong-un, who in case you forgot, massacred his former lover and a bunch of other people for getting a little too YOLO. It was sad news, and you guys treated it with the respect and solemnity it deserved.

Ragnarok: It’s probably a blessing that they’re back to firing squads. Kim Jong-il would’ve just had her torn apart by panthers.

Larry: Or nailed her in the head with a succession of perfectly-aimed golf balls.

CuriousGeorger: “their immediate families forced to watch”

Yeah but I bet there were blurred out circles covering up all the good parts.

Love the teamwork. I love it more than Farrah Abraham loves smelling like a dumpster behind Victoria’s Secret. It’s okay for me to say that. I’ve studied the court systems and thus am pretty judgmental.

Al: Do you consider yourself a humanist? “I’m pretty human. I think so.”

Fek: Are you a florist? “I LIKE FLOWERS!”

Larry: No “ist” means you hate something. Like, “racist” or “Istanbul.”

Do you consider yourself a botanist? “I like it in the bot!”

Stallonewolf: Do you consider yourself a socialist? “I’m fun at parties. I think so.” Do you consider yourself a pacifist? “Only when that little bastard won’t stop crying.” Do you consider yourself a terrorist? “There was some rectal terroring, sure.”

Patty Boots: “Do you consider yourself a racist?”

“I can be pretty racy. I think so.”

Ace Rimmer: “So what, what’s wrong with being sexy?” “Sex-ist.” She’s like a less self-aware Nigel Tufnel.

Of course, it’s not a Comments of the Week thread without some great Chareth contributions. From the trailer for Escape from Tomorrow:

Chareth Cutestory: I don’t think Floridians know what “shot illegally” means.

And finally, your comment of the week, from Vince’s coverage of how Batman and Captain America saved a cat from a burning building.

Al: Thanks a lot for saving Mr. Swatty-Hissy, the cat no one liked, while leaving Sweet Fluffy Bottom and Bootsie PurrsAlot to die an agonizing death in what I assume was a dildo fire.

Nice going Al—you’re an inspiration to us all. You win a photoshopped scene of your choosing (description under 140 characters). To the rest, remember to keep your wits about you, and nominate your favorite comments of the week in the comments section of this very thread. For next week, we’ll all just wrestle to win.

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