Headline of the day: “Steven Seagal Asks for Vladimir Putin’s Support in Immortality Research”

I feel almost as if I owe Steven Seagal royalties for this website.  My God, between his

MOSCOW, May 16, 2011 — Renowned actor and martial artist Steven Seagal has written an open letter to Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, asking the Prime Minister’s support of the “Russia 2045” movement that aims to make Russia the center of immortality and artificial body research. According to Seagal, “Russia 2045,” by using and developing new technologies, hopes to significantly improve the quality of life and make humans immortal by the year 2045.

“Not so long ago, I learned from my Russian friends about the ‘Russia 2045’ social movement, and I decided to join it,” says Seagal, who has Russian roots and “considers himself Russian.”

Russian, Japanese, Jamaican — if his adopted nationalities seem contradictory, they aren’t. The idea of Steven Seagal transcends any traditional notions of nation-states.

“… I am extremely proud this technology has been discovered in Russia and that it has been propagated in Russia, with some of the greatest Russian doctors and scientists in the world. In bringing this technology into the forefront of the world, surely we as a human race will make incredible leaps and bounds ensuring a new and better quality of life,” adds Seagal.
Steven Seagal has met Vladimir Putin in Russia and considers him “a prominent world leader” and hopes for his response.

That must come as a relief to Mr. Putin. Being recognized by the UN Security Council is fine and good, but until your office has been acknowledged by Steven Seagal, the legitimacy of succession remains in question.  So. Think the best of this press release is over?  Homie, you don’t know Steven Seagal.

Steven Seagal is an American film star and martial artist. He is also producer, film director, and writer. Additionally, he is a Buddhist and actively involved in charity. In February 1997, His Holiness Penor Rinpoche recognized Steven Seagal as Tulku Rinpoche, and as the reincarnation of Terton Chungdrag Dorje, who lived in the XVII century. [PRNewswire]

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.  Oh, Steven, I wouldn’t go putting that on your resume just yet.  Everyone knows you’ll get told anything you want to hear if you start bowing before the Holy Penor.

(*points to crotch*)