According to Variety, Reese Witherspoon is being eyed to star in an adaptation of the upcoming novel Opening Belle, Maureen Sherry Klinsky’s semi-autobiographical tale of trying to raise three kids while working as managing director of Bear Stearns during the dawn of the financial crisis in 2007.
Between Opening Belle (lady banker!), Legally Blonde (lady lawyer!), and Hot Pursuit (lady cop!), it seems Reese Witherspoon is fast becoming the Air Bud of blonde actresses. Naturally, this inspired us to create a series of Reese Witherspoon vehicle pitches.
Debutante Brawl: Reese Witherspoon becomes an MMA fighter to save her old sorority house from foreclosure.
Refinishing School: Spoiled rich girl Reese Witherspoon falls for sexy, old-fashioned carpenter played by John Corbett.
Sorority Informal: A quirky, bring-your-dog-to-work startup firm hires big-haired southerner Reese Witherspoon as their new CFO. She’s one Phish WAY out of water!
It’s All Greek To Me: Frugal, by-the-book former sorority president Reese Witherspoon gets hired as Greece’s finance minister, whipping them back into shape and getting them back into the EU, just like she got Kappa Kappa Gamma back into Panhellenic.
Lass Dismissed: In a torn-from-the-headlines twist, spoiled rich girl Reese gets caught saying horrible things about minorities in a police dash cam video that goes viral. She gets fired from her job at a high end interior design firm and a maverick judge played by JK Simmons sentences her to teach in an inner-city school where everyone learns a valuable lesson, Dangerous Minds-style. Co-starring Quvenzhane Wallis.
The Imitation Dame: Reese Witherspoon plays her own separated-at-birth identical twin, raised in a Louisiana swamp, who has to impersonate her high society twin in an important business meeting with the Japanese for some reason.
Jenna Sherman’s March: A Harold & Kumar-style wild goose chase about one Clemson co-ed’s journey back to her dorm room after an awkward sexual encounter.
Who Wants to Marry a Cotillionaire? Ice Queen business lady Reese Witherspoon can’t inherit her trust fund until she finds a husband, so she goes on a reality show.
Damsel INXS – Reese Witherspoon replaces Michael Hutchence after he dies in an auto erotic asphyxiation accident.
Hot Wheels – Reese’s NASCAR legend pappy dies and there’s no one to take his spot in the Daytona 500 so she’s drivin’, y’all
Y’all In The Family: All in the Family, but with a lady. Maybe there’s a gay kid?
Sweet Home Alabama: I think this one might already be taken.
Help us out in the comments. (Thanks to Jamie, Josh, Ryan, and Danger for additional puns).