Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton to star in ‘Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters’

Yo, son, these classic fairy tales are like hella boring!   HOLLYWOOD, DROP SOME PHAT BEATS ON THIS BITCH!

The studio is on the cusp of triggering production on the Gary Sanchez project Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, a dark action movie that picks up with the fairy tale siblings years after the traumatic childhood incident has turned them into bounty hunters. Jeremy Renner, who has been attached for some time, finally has his sister in James Bond babe Gemma Arterton.

Director Tommy Wirkola (Dead Snow) is hoping to begin shooting the project in Berlin March 7. [THR]

They say “dark action movie”, but Gary Sanchez is Will Ferrell and Adam McKay’s production company, and Tommy Wirkola made a movie about nazi zombies that puke blood, so I’m hoping the secret is that this is tongue in cheek or overtly comedic.  Otherwise, look for this tale to LOSE THE FAIRIES AND ADD RAP ROCK!  Yo, Gretel, drop some Red Bulls on the ground so we can find our way back from BASE jumping, TICK TICK TICK… SLUTS!

Play us out, parkour dog.

If this doesn’t end up being XXXTREME enough, there’s always the upcoming, Michael Bay-produced Hansel & Gretel 3D. Oh Hollywood, don’t ever change.

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