Some businesses in North Portland have reportedly been targeted by Juggalos, leading to one my favorite local news segments in a long time. If you can’t tell, KOIN’s Joel Iwanaga is holding up a flyer left on Hop Works Urban Brewery that reads:
YOU HAVE BEEN TARGETED BY THE JUGGALO FAMILY TO GET THE ____ OUT. VACATE OR ___ OUR ____.
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As the anchor tells it, “this particular flyer uses profanity and refers to a sex act.” As in “vacate or suck our dicks,” I would imagine. In addition to the flyers, businesses say they’ve noticed an increase in broken car windows, which may be connected. So what’s the issue? Did the brewery ban jean shorts? Did they overserve Dirty Dan or diss Uncle Stinky’s old lady? To hear the local news tell it, the root of the conflict is that old local news standby, GENTRIFICATION.
In recent years, North Portland’s Williams St. area has seen a sharp increase in property values, construction, and new businesses — including upscale boutiques and restaurants — moving to the area. Tracy Sullivan, who lives near the intersection of N Williams St. and N Shaver St. [“…where we found her standing” -Ed.], said she understands the opposition to gentrification.
“I think it’s hard, I feel bad,” she said. “At the same time, people have been living here for a long time [and] it’s harder to afford it.” [KOIN]
And yes, the news story does include a helpful “what is a Juggalo” section, to clue you in on all the tell-tale signs of Insane Clown Posse fandom, like drinking Faygo and listening to horror rap. Though as always, the Juggalos have their own definition, which is much more entertaining:
In any case, I love the idea of the Juggalos organizing a Fam-Uh-Lee-wide terrorism campaign to try to stop gentrification.
“Order order order. Word up, my ninjas. Me and Itchy Pete done gathered y’all here in my ex-old lady’s grow shed while she at work to talk about some wack shit that’s goin down right now. Yo, even wacker than when my ninja Fat Steve lost his left turd stomper below the knee to diabeezy. That’s right, I’m talkin’ bout Giraffe Bacon. If you ain’t heard, that’s when some punk ass college boys roll up in your hood tryna slang craft beers and caramel Al Pacinos and pretty soon your aunt tryna charge you rent and Big Lisa don’t got nowhere to make space cakes. Obviously this Giraffe Bacon is wack and if the family can’t come together to stop it before it grows pubes, then these hatchet man dog tags aren’t worth the license plate metal Skinny Mike stamped them on, word? We fitna take back our hood one smashed mini Cooper at a time. And Spellcheck Stacey printed 1,000 flyers at the Kaiser, so all you ninjas take one.”
Anyway, I don’t know if I entirely believe that this is an organized, anti-gentrification campaign spearheaded by Juggalos, but if it is, as someone who has both been to The Gathering and lives in a neighborhood that has undergone some gentrifying, I would take the Juggalos nine times out of ten.