Move over, Twilight, there’s a new abstinence movie in town

Senior Editor
06.01.11 19 Comments

Ever since Kirk Cameron got rich beating up his computer for showing him porn and disproving evolution by showing how the human hand is perfectly formed to eat monkey food, fundamentalist Christians have become the great untapped movie market.  Hoping to capitalize on that market is the new abstinence comedy The Waiting Game, whose trailer you can watch below. That’s the protagonist above, celebrating his ability to save himself for marriage, as “only three percent of Americans” have done. Hooray, I won the reverse lottery! “Hey, Bob, didja get laid last night?”

“I sure didn’t!”

(*Top Gun high five*)

The Waiting Game is about a guy who saves himself for marriage only to have his fiance leave him on their wedding day. He must now decide if it’s worth it to wait again.
This demo trailer was produced to give an idea of what the story might look like.
Our target budget is $2M. Will be directed by Arthur Anderson. Candace Cameron Bure as one of the actors.

Well with A-list talent like Kirk Cameron’s sister attached (who, incidentally, doesn’t seem to be anywhere in the trailer), who WOULDN’T want to sink two million bucks into this?  Now, I know it’s a long shot, but do you we could also get BooBoo Stewart?

So then at the 1:07 mark, I saw this guy, and I was like, hey, he looks familiar.  Who is that?

Can’t guess?  Surprise!  It’s Ted Haggard, the Colorado pastor who got caught doing crystal meth with his gay masseuse, showing up here to give comical love advice!  Who better to put in your abstinence movie?  DO YOU SEE?  THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU AREN’T ABSTINENT! IT’S A SLIPPERY SLOPE TO DRUGS AND SODOMY! (The slope is slippery because of all the massage oil).  Anyway, I smell a hit.  Stay by your phone, Retarded Rob Riggle.

[Thanks to Morton Salt for the tip]

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