Robert Rodriguez’s new dumbest one liner, plus 10 or 15 more he can use

Today brings us this new clip from Machete Kills, and I’m half convinced that Machete Kills will never be more than a series of kitschy posters and clips from a movie that doesn’t really exist.

In this new clip, a leather-and-eye-patch-clad Michelle Rodriguez takes on pageant queen Amber Heard in a gunfight that appears to be set in a high school cafeteria. It gives Hollywood’s hardest core Latina the chance to deliver the lines:

“Taco time.” 


“It takes a bitch to make a bitch, and I smell fish taco.”

Uh… what? I like to imagine Robert Rodriguez in bed with a girl that tells him to talk dirty, and everything he says ends up being so confusing that they have to stop. “Wait, did you just say you want to lock up my kitty because its litter needs changing?”

So in honor of “It takes a bitch to make a bitch, and I smell fish taco,” I’ve come up with a series of my own confusingly ambiguous, vaguely lesbo-erotic non-sequitirs:

Welcome to the clambake, pee pants.

Braise this roast beef, grandma.

The carpet matches the drapes, but I prefer curtains.

Smell ya later, tampon.

The snatch is the best lift, but not if you’re spotting.

Practice makes perfect, but so’s my vagina.

Put away the giblets, mommy’s making cat food.

You are what you eat, and I just had a c*nt sandwich.

Fill up the chum bucket, it’s time for a feeding frenzy.

Life’s a beach, and I’m digging for clams.

Roses are read, violets are pussy.

Pussy pussy bo-bussy, fanana fanna fo fussy.

Put this in your fanny pack and zip it. (*shoots boob guns*)

I could see MichelleRod delivering any of those. I think Michelle Rodriguez is the girl Danny Trejo’s tattoos are about.

[clip via BleedingCool]