Real-Life X-Man’s powers only work when he has a finger up his butt

Senior Editor
01.29.13 37 Comments

The best Shutterstock could do for this one.

The other day on the Frotcast, we were discussing how when dudes are trying to look tough before fight, instead of lunging at a guy to get him to flinch, one guy should just drop trou and start taking a dump. Because nothing proves you’re not scared like being able to just take a dump. Well now it seems a Santa Cruz man tried to take our advice, but only got halfway there.

SANTA CRUZ – A 24-year-old Santa Cruz man was arrested Sunday after police got a call complaining that a drunken man was being disruptive and challenging people to fight, police said.

Lost Boys was set and filmed in Santa Cruz, so whenever it comes up, I imagine Greasy Sax Man and an awesome bonfire.

Officers arrived near West Cliff Drive and Pelton Avenue near Lighthouse Field about 1:45 p.m. and found that Dimitri Z. Storm had encountered an opponent who took him up on his challenge to fight, Sgt. Dave Perry said.

You didn’t believe me that this guy was a real-life member of the X-Men? His name is “Dmitri Storm.”

When the man didn’t back down, Storm dropped his pants, exposing himself, and then inserted a finger in his own rectum, Perry said.

I can only hope this was part of some elaborate, semi-convoluted insult, like, “I came here to fight tough dudes and finger my own asshole, and we’re all out of tough dudes!”

Police also found him with a small pair of brass knuckles and arrested him on suspicion of indecent exposure, with a prior, being drunk in public, fighting and possession of brass knuckles, records show. [SantaCruzSentinel]

My friends and I used to talk about lesser-known X-Men, like the mutant who had super strength, but only when standing in a puddle of his own piss, or the guy who could shape-shift every full moon, but only into a club sandwich. I like to imagine Dmitri Storm thought his own butthole worked like a magic hobbit ring, only to finally find out that one dude lied about being Gandalf.

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