Margaret Thatcher is the War Horse of prime ministers, apparently

12.08.11 7 years ago 34 Comments

The newest trailer for The Iron Lady was just released today, and HOLY HELL, this is a joke, right? Tell me this is a parody of boring biopics. I got five seconds in. FIVE SECONDS, before I wanted to puke. Right from the first words of the very first voiceover set to tinkly piano music and grey flashback b-roll.

“I will never be one of those women who stays silent on the arm of her husband! One’s life must matter, Dennis!”

“That’s why I want to marry you, my dear.”

NO ONE ON EARTH HAS EVER TALKED LIKE THAT. EVER. Not even in England do people wax poetic about “one’s life” when they talk to their boyfriends, and dramatically punctuate their statements with the person’s name. In real life, people don’t constantly say each other’s names unless they’re on walkie-talkies. Stop doing that.

‘She was an outsider. She was a rebel.’

MARGARET THATCHER?!?! We’re still talking about Margaret f*cking Thatcher here, right? Because for a second there, I kept expecting someone to screech up in the General Lee.

“With all duuuue respect, sir, I HAVE done battle. Ev-ray SINGLE day of my life.”

OH SNAP, SON! SHE BEEN STRANGLIN’ PATRIARCHAL OPPRESSION WITH HER PEARLS AND DROWNING GENDER ROLES IN HEAPS OF PANT SUITS, YOU BETTER ASK SOMEBOOOODDAAAAAY…

Let me see if I can summarize: A childhood dream, a physical challenge, a lifelong friendship, war, redemption… Yep, that’s every dramatic beat of every boring biopic ever. Only this one’s not about Johnny Cash, it’s about MARGARET THATCHER. And the big climactic war is THE F*CKING FALKLANDS (sorry, Argentino, I mean the Malvinas). This is not a movie, it’s a model train. Weinstein seriously moved this to December thinking it’s going to win awards? Because this looks like the Daredevil of biopics. I would rather watch the new Three Stooges movie six times than this.

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