If you read as many movie reviews as we do, you know that nothing brings out the urge to summarize in critics like a bad movie. Part of the reason for that is that when a movie is bad, no one really cares if they spoil it. Corollary to that: sometimes a movie is so bad that simple summary is more damning than analysis.
It was this phenomenon that first inspired Plot Recreated With Reviews, a feature in which I attempt to retell a movie I haven’t seen, using only carefully curated quotes from reviews. It tends to work better the lamer the movie is, and this week seems to offer an ideal target: Mother’s Day, hopefully the last of a dying breed of star-studded, interconnected-storyline-constructed Love Actually clones. This one was directed by Garry Marshall, he of New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s Day.
It promises to be about… uh, mother’s day, and… mothers. And it’s currently tracking 7% on RottenTomatoes. That’s probably all you need to know.