New Metal Gear Solid Movie Won’t Be Called G.I. Joe 3, Will Feature a Restart Option

08.31.12 7 years ago 8 Comments

Like you, I’m still waiting for someone to adapt the Tetris series (possible plot: Ben Affleck in a race against a giant long falling rectangle that’s out to DESTROY THE WORLD by falling on his head). But whilst we wait, let’s all reflect on the possibilities that a Metal Gear film might get made.


The announcement was made to video game fans attending the Metal Gear Anniversary event in Tokyo. Banners on display read “Metal Gear Solid Hollywood Movie”, and featured the Columbia Pictures logo.

First off, awesome title guys. Metal Gear Solid Hollywood Movie is a metaphor that works on so many levels. It tackles the Japanese Nintendo xenophobia that ripped through the Republican Party in 1988. It says “colons” are for punks. It winks at you, tugs at your junk, and whispers “this will be a Hollywood movie, so we’re probably not going to try any harder than marketing the living piss out of it”. It cattily says “What, you think a fracking banner is easy to print up?” These are all fair points, and I’m certain you have your own questions about this project. These questions include, but are not limited to the following:

Well, what about Contra?
Answer: No chance of it happening now. But “Up-Up-Down-Down-Left-Right-Left-Right B, A, Start” would be a dynamic logline.

That article mentions that Spider-man producer Avi Arad on board. Shouldn’t Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance , Bratz, The Amazing Spider-Man, and Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer be held against him?
Answer: These are starting to feel like leading questions …

Who will be Snake?
Answer: My guess is they’ll go against type for the clicks. So probably Helen Mirren.

When will this movie hit theaters?
Answer: 2015 at the earliest, ideally timed to open against Step Up 5: Saloon Line Dancing Edition.

More details as the story develops, unless the project is never heard from again. No promises if that particular scenario plays out.

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