Oh boy, more Tomb Raider movies

Senior Editor
03.08.11 19 Comments

slutty-lara-croft-cleavageAngelina Jolie starred in two Tomb Raider movies in 2001 and 2003, and they both sucked, but when you’ve got a premise as inexhaustible as “a chick with big boobs shoots guns”, there’s no reason to quit after three to four hours of content.  And speaking of tomb raiders, how about this Al Davis? (*softshoes off stage, dodges wrench*)

In a pre-emptive strike, GK Films has come on board to acquire the feature film rights to Tomb Raider and will reboot the successful action-adventure franchise aiming for a 2013 release for the first film.
“We are very excited to be rebooting what is already a hugely successful film franchise and continuing the ‘Tomb Raider’ phenomenon,” said King. [ComingSoon]

Who’s this pre-emptive strike against, taste?  Oooh, we better snap this up before anyone starts thinking it’s a good idea.  Anyway, I hope they’re not planning to make another snoozy, PG-13 wiener tease. It’s 2011.  We’ve got sausage-sucking sexbots now, being suggestive doesn’t cut it.  So this time, instead of Lara Croft shooting two phallic pistols, maybe they could be ACTUAL PENISES.  Just imagine Lara Croft wielding a couple big, meaty, black schlongs.  “Oh, allo.  Oy’m Lara Croft, da Tomb Raidah.  Dat’s a wew veiny dong you’s got, guv.”

It’s a good idea, right?  I thought so.

lara croft 110808 Alison caroll lara croft alison_carroll-lara-croft-phones

[That’s Alison Carroll in the pictures, btw]

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