Randy Quaid sings “Star Whackers” live

Before Charlie Sheen showed up after a five-day crack binge spouting off about violent love and warlock assassins and soaked up the public’s appetite for public meltdowns, there was Randy Quaid.  After leading the media on a

Quaid has since surfaced in Vancouver, playing gigs with his backing band The Fugitives, and it sounds like he’s doing great:

The American actor performed two songs at the Commodore Ballroom on Friday night, telling the audience they were about “experiences that my wife and I have gone through for the last few months, and we hope you enjoy them.”

The first song had Quaid croon a romantic tune entitled “Will We Be Together Then?” Then came the much-heralded “Star Whackers” song, which referenced TMZ, murdering people and selling their organs on eBay. [THR]

My God, if it was legal to marry a paragraph, I’d be down on one knee right now.  “Wrote a song about my childhood.  It’s called ‘Dingo Baby Rainbow Pastry,’ here it go…”

The performance was Quaid’s first public gig since being granted permanent residency status in Canada by local authorities. He was allowed to stay in Canada because his wife, Evi Quaid, received her Canadian citizenship card in February because her father was born here.

Oh, Canadians. So polite. “Ninjas? Haha, cool story, eh.” Anyway, would you like to read the lyrics?  I’m sure you would.

Here’s the Quaids on Good Morning America back in November.  Said Evi, when asked if they had any contact with Randy’s brother, Dennis, who was also, according to them, targeted by the Star Whackers:

“Dennis is now on a treadmill of making movies that are garbage, and it’s unfortunate, because he’s very talented.”

You know, maybe she’s not so crazy after all.

Star Whackers

Arrest your ass only in DMZ
Just for being a celebrity
Steal your name so they can sell your ads
Make up lots of lies to drive you mad

Create a public scandal in your name
Tell the whole world that you’re to blame
Spin you like a load of dirty clothes
To everyone you’re life fully exposed

Knock off all your kids and all your heirs
Just so they can spend your money like it’s theirs
When it’s all gone and there’s no more
You’ll wonder what the hell it was all for

Those cheesy star whackers WHACKERS
To hell with fact checkers WHACKERS, those sleazy star whackers WHACKERS

If they have the need for you to die
That will be a cinch easy as pie
They have lots of ways for them to kill
Taken drug prescriptions can be filled

Or maybe squeeze your balls with a nylon rope
Hang you in the closet like an overcoat
Or take you and your lover for a ride
So they can stage a murder-suicide

Those cheesy star whackers WHACKERS
Career hijackers WHACKERS, those sleazy star whackers WHACKERS

When you feel your heart start to explode
You’ll be the number one you tip down low
When you’re more famous when you die
They’ll have more ways to suck you dry

Put your name and face on all the mags
Lots of pictures of your body bag
When you’re good and dead and have no say
They’ll sell your vital organs on eBay

Those cheesy star whackers, WHACKERS
They’re dirty toe taggers WHACKERS, those cheesy star whackers WHACKERS

Those sleazy star whackers, WHACKERS [via Starcasm]

Here’s a better-quality video which unfortunately isn’t embeddable.