Return of the Comments of the Week

Get in the car, losers, we’re going COMMENTING. Before we begin, I’d like to thank Mr. Peter G. Stinkiest for doing Comments of the Week while I was tying up some loose ends in The Ukraine. Now that my work there is done ; ) I’m thrilled to be back with you (though I was always here in morning links spirit).

We start small with Nic Cages T-Rex Skull, who, after hearing the news about David Fincher’s jOBS remake, asked:

Will Trent Reznor use GarageBand to make the soundtrack?

I am a Trent Reznor fan when it comes to film scores, and while the approval of other commenters brought you into these honorable halls, I must rebuke you and your lack of appreciation for shearing industrial ambience. Then there was Rawhead Wrecks, stepping through the crowds of preachers and pranksters in the comments to Vince’s piece on “based on a true story.”

My biggest issue with “based on a true story” movies is that most people are stupid and the Hollywood version of events becomes the “truth” to them.

So remember, dear readers, that you are probably stupid and that Hollywood is probably wrong. Just look at all the 9/11 movies pretending it wasn’t an inside job. And just look at Feklhr, making quality comments you all managed to overlook! From the Frotcast’s take on that Google Glass Goober Gal:

Google Glass has an easy way to fix this: if the camera is on, they send an optical ray that makes the wearer uncontrollably wet themselves. Good luck hiding that, techie! Qaplah!

*snaps fold phone shut triumphantly*

Yes yes yes I love all of your comments but *snaps fold phone shut triumphantly* made me ~laugh out loud~ even though I was born after smartphones became ubiquitous. And right on time, the trumpets begin their salute, for it is time to announce the Comment of the Week! This week’s winner comes to us from OhMyBalls, for (presumably) his outstanding commentribution to the field of commenting in the comments to “The 2014 Oscars Swag Bag Includes A Gift Certificate for Vaginal Rejuvenation, Among Other Things.”

Is Jared Leto the only nominee that can use every item in this bag?

Applause, applause, applause, Mr. Balls. May everyone covet his prizeless victory.

Well that about does it for this week. Apologies to everyone who made noteworthy comments in the weeks of inactivity, but the previous Comments of the Week thread was hella huge and I have unemployment anxiety that needs meticulous care. Remember to keep your wits about you, and nominate your favorite comments of the week in the comments section of this very thread. For next week, the winner gets a 1-on-1 lunch at Wendy’s with rockstar Meat Loaf.