Robocop is a transformer who fights Al-Qaeda now

Up until recently, it seemed like MGM’s Robocop remake was making all the right moves. They hired Elite Squad 2‘s Jose Padilha to direct. Jackie Earle Haley, Samuel L. Jackson, and Michael K. Williams (Omar from The Wire) joined the cast. But according to HitFix’s Drew McWeeny (who generally hasn’t decent taste and isn’t a retarded fanboy), it has one major liability: the script. Drew got his hands on the Joshua Zetumer and Nick Schenk script, and said, among other things (before we get to the more spoilery revelations), that “When this thing hits theaters, people are going to call up Len Wiseman’s “Total Recall” on the phone and apologize for being so mean.”

Here are some lowlights, which I’ve put after the jump because obviously they contain spoilers:

I tried to read the “Robocop” remake, but 20 pages in my nose started bleeding and I forgot my name. #nobueno #reallynobueno

I’ll share this one detail. In the film, when Murphy is turned into Robocop 1.0, it’s described “a high-tech version of the ’80s suit.”

Then they show a focus group scene where criminals laugh at the design. “He looks like a toy from the ’80s!”

So they redesign him to look “meaner” as Robocop 2.0, who passes focus group approval.

So they not only make sure to include the original design, they also point out it’s dated and stupid. *facepalm*

Hold onto your sides for more hilarious “Robocop” details. They outsource his construction to China. #seriously

And we meet the ED-209s in the field in Iran, where they’re used to subdue suicide bombers. #ineedallthedrinksnow

Ahhh… now they just dropped Robocop 3.0 onto an Al Queda training camp to see what he does.

By page 54, they are already onto Robocop 4.0, who looks like a “cop on steroids painted metallic blue.”

Oh, god… oh dear god… Robocop is a Transformer. He goes from “social mode” to “combat mode” and back. Full transformation.