Rogue Submarine Captain Jude Law Scottishly Steals Nazi Gold In ‘Black Sea’

Black Sea, in addition to being a massive inland ocean in Southeastern Europe and arguably one of the better XTC albums, is a film from director Kevin McDonald (Last King Of Scotland) about a submarine salvage operation starring Jude Law with a Scottish accent.

Black Sea‘s macguffin is Nazi treasure, probably the best of all macguffins, and Jude Law’s protagonist is a “rogue submarine captain,” my all-time favorite stock movie character. As for the synopsis, basically, a big, hard sub full of Nazi sea men went down in the Black Sea (your mom) way back when, and now rogue submarine captain Jude Law has to take his own big hard sub full of tightly-packed young boys down there to see if he can suck out Hitler’s lost gold. Then they’re going to have a big golden shower party to celebrate their riches, but only if Jude Law can keep his rag-tag crew of sea men from turning on each other long enough to get showered in all that Nazi gold. It’s a real hard job going down there with such young boys, but I think Scottish Jude Law is up for it. My only criticism is that they didn’t go whole hog and call it “Black Sea: The Legend Of Hitler’s Gold.” Much better title.

Opens January 23rd.