Aaron Johnson's sugar/baby mama to direct 50 Shades of Grey

Whenever we talk about 50 Shades of Grey, I think it’s important to remind everyone that this whole phenomenon started as Twilight fan-fiction written under the pen name Snowqueen’s Icedragon. It’s unclear whether Snowqueens had an apostrophe, but otherwise that’s 100 percent true. So anyway, those books eventually came to occupy the four top spots of the bestseller list, so naturally they were going to make a movie out of it. Which brings us to today, when 50 Shades author EL James announced that the director of Universal/Focus Features’ film adaptation would be Sam Taylor-Wood, known mainly from her indie Nowhere Boy, about John Lennon. Well, known for that, and for banging her Nowhere Boy star, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, who at 23 is half her age and was born in 1990. They are now married and have a child. I’ll have what she’s having.

Said James on her feed, “I’m delighted & thrilled to let you guys know that Sam Taylor-Johnson has agreed to direct the film of ‘Fifty Shades of Grey.'”

“I am excited to be charged with the evolution of ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ from page to screen,” said Taylor-Johnson in a statement. “For the legions of fans, I want to say that I will honor the power of Erika’s book and the characters of Christian and Anastasia. They are under my skin too.”

Taylor-Johnson joins British screenwriter Kelly Marcel, who penned the first draft of the script, and producers Mike De Luca and Dana Brunetti, who have been working feverishly for months to secure a director. “Promised Land” helmer Gus Van Sant eagerly lobbied for the job, while “Anna Karenina” director Joe Wright turned down the gig.

“Sam’s unique ability to gracefully showcase complex relationships dealing with love, emotion and sexual chemistry make her the ideal director to bring Christian and Anastasia’s relationship to life,” De Luca added. “E.L. James’ characters and vivid storytelling require a director who is willing to take risks and push the envelope where needed, and Sam is a natural fit.” [LATimes]

It’s pretty nuts that Gus Van Sant has directed two best picture Oscar nominees (Milk and Good Will Hunting) and a Cannes Palm D’or winner (Elephant, which is insane because that movie sucked) and still couldn’t get a job directing Twilight fan-fiction porn. I guess they really wanted a woman to direct it, though that wouldn’t explain them courting Joe Wright (one of my least favorite directors, incidentally). Though you have to figure, if anyone knows about some kinky sex shit, it’s a 46-year-old woman who bagged a 23-year-old. And keep in mind, not just some 23-year-old poolboy either, but a handsome, independently wealthy, reasonable well-known actor. Either she knows a few seduction secrets or she has a magic vagina. Possibly both. I’m interested in 50 Shades of Grey just to learn her secrets.

Also, up until now, I always imagined British seduction rituals all involved powdered wigs and furiously waving hankerchiefs.

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