The ShamWow Guy’s Movie Set Inside Lindsay Lohan’s Vagina Earned $625 per Theater

My apologies if this is too “inside baseball,” but a movie earning $172,000 in its first weekend of release isn’t — SPOILER — good. If I haven’t already lost you with all that cinematic jargon, let’s talk about inAPPropriate Comedy, a quote-unquote “comedy film” directed by Vince Offer, a.k.a. the ShamWow Guy who got into an “altercation” with a Florida prostitute four years ago, that earned a whooping $625 per theater. By comparison’s sake, Movie 43 is f*cking Avatar. inAPPropriate stars the murderers’ row of talent that is Rob Schneider, Michelle Rodriguez, Adrien Brody (as “Flirty Harry”), and Lindsay Lohan.

Of course it does.

Here’s how the movie describes itself:

InAPPropriate Comedy is a no-holds barred sketch movie starring Academy Award-winner Adrien Brody as “Flirty Harry,” a tough, no nonsense cop with a soft middle and a flair for fashion; Rob Schneider in a dual role as both a sleazy, horny psychologist and a curmudgeonly porn critic alongside his enthusiastic counterpart Michelle Rodriguez; Lindsay Lohan living out her fantasy of taking an ultimate revenge on the salivating paparazzi who haunt her, and Ari Shaffir as “The Amazing Racist,“ whose hilariously offensive hidden-camera encounters with members of different ethnic and minority groups push everyone’s buttons. (Via)

What does a “no-holds barred sketch movie” look like? According to Huffington Post’s Mike Ryan, who watched the thing on Friday, it begins with a timely 127 Hours parody and only gets worse from there.

12:05 p.m. Adrien Brody is playing a character named Flirty Harry, a parody of Dirty Harry. He just said, “Go ahead, make me gay.” I am not making this up.

12:06 p.m. So, I finally get why the APP is capitalized in the title. There’s a person with a tablet of some sort and he picks from an assortment of apps that take us to different comedy sketches.

12:07 p.m. The “Blackass” team — a parody of Jackass, I assume – just rode a dumpster into a vat of sewage. That’s it.

12:16 p.m. In a sketch called “Porn Review,” Rob Schneider and Michelle Rodriguez watch a porn movie while a guy behind them rates it on the level of semen in his popcorn bucket.

1:05 p.m. A man just let a mouse eat cheese off of his penis.

1:06 p.m. That same man just got his penis caught in a mousetrap. (Via)

That last one actually sounds pretty good. Anyway, because vaginas = hilarious, the whole film, which begins with Lindsay Lohan reenacting Marilyn Monroe’s famous subway grate scene from The Seven Year Itch (more like The Seven Year Bitch, in InAPPropriate Comedy speak), apparently takes place inside LiLo’s vagina, continuing her quest to let the entire world in there, at least once. Needless to say:

Also, Rob Schneider turned into Paul Giamatti so gradually I didn’t even notice.