Shut Up And Take My Money: ‘Dude Stick,’ The Lip Balm For Men Will Masculinize Your Mouth

We’ve long been connoisseurs of late-night infomercials, and these days, you don’t even have to be able to afford TV time to make one. It’s called crowdfunding, and it allows any wild-eyed would-be entrepreneur to take his cockamamie idea straight to the wild-eyed, would-be investor. In Shut Up And Take Our Money, we highlight some of our favorite campaigns.

Today: Dude Stick. Do you ever want to protect your delicate lips from the sunlight but think, “Dang, I’m too manly for all this pink packaging and lady perfumes!” That’s how “Dude Stick” was born. A real bro doesn’t want to rub lady stuff on his lips, he wants to cover them in “Dude Stick.”

As Spencer Sevy tells us in his pitch for Dude Stick:

The idea for Dude Stick came to me when I was rushing to work one morning and stopped to grab some lib balm at a gas station. When I looked at my choices, I was not too impressed. Some of the lip balm would just make them hurt worse, but none were designed for men. Then the idea for Dude Stick was born.

The lip-balm tube is a tactical matte black with gray writing printed directly on the tube, no labels. Minimalist at its core. Only the bare necessities. Nothing complicated, everything you want and nothing you don’t. It also boasts a 10 spf rating. [Kickstarter]

That’s right TACTICAL MATTE BLACK, so it doesn’t clash with your guns and hunting knives (and goes great with your Dude Wipes). I mean how many times have you been trying to keep your lips moist on a long reconnaissance mission, when suddenly the sun glinting off your plumper packaging tips the enemy to your position? Trust me, it won’t matter how good your lips look when insurgents are dragging you through the streets. Get yourself a real MANLY chapstick, like Dude Stick. It’s like Truck Nutz for your mouth!

The best part about Dude Stick, other than that it reads a little like a PFT Commenter character wrote it, is that it’s sort of like the id of all advertising. A lip balm for dudes isn’t any crazier than most other stuff we buy. Do we really need gendered body soap? Does essentially the same cigarette really need 20 different packages? (“Don’t smoke the cowboy cigarettes, you’re clearly a sailor!”) The core of all advertising is that it wants you to shop not just for the product you want to buy, but for the kind of person you want to be.

DUDE STICK is currently at $6736 of its $750 goal. Not too shabby.

Has an old acquaintance emailed you a crowdfunding campaign you think we should know about? Email us now. Thanks to BK for sending me this one.