“But kemosabe, your hair is a bird.”

With Jerry Bruckheimer producing, The Lone Ranger is all but guaranteed to be sh*tty, since pretty much all of Jerry Bruckheimer’s movies since Don Simpson died are sh*tty (Prince of Persia, anyone?), but I admit they’ve hit on a sure-fire formula for box office gold here: Johnny Depp in a ridiculous costume making silly faces. And Armie The WASPiest WASP Hammer is his perfect foil. After on-set deaths, set-destroying wind storms, and a budget ballooning to more than $250 million, everyone better love it. Luckily for them, as inevitable as death and taxes is the truism, “foreigners love Johnny Depp.”

As you’ll see, Depp has once again emerged from the costume department looking his usual eccentric self, but don’t expect another reprise of his famous “Pirates Of The Caribbean” character. “I’m a long way from Jack Sparrow,” Depp says, while Verbinski adds that Tonto “is an odd-shaman, an outcast from his own tribe, who has created his own mystical world.” [ThePlaylist]

Yes, a long way from Jack Sparrow. Why, I can’t see any similarities at all, save the head scarf, face paint, long hair, braids, leather accessories, wide-eyed look, and feathers in his hair. They could not be more different. Asked to elaborate on his characters’ contrasts, Depp paused and mused thoughtfully, “I have a bird on my head in this one.”

While some have wondered what the tone of the picture will be, Verbinski’s description of the movie conjures up, of all things, “Midnight Run.” “It’s a dysfunctional buddy movie,” he says. “It’s two guys who start literally and figuratively handcuffed together who end up on the same mission with completely different world views. They sort of rub off on one another. But they have plenty of disagreements.”

Sadly, all of Johnny Depp’s arguments will be invalid, because his hair is a bird.
“I’m trying to step out of the box a little. What do you think? I worry it might be a little overdesigned.”
I feel like this one needs a Bible quote or something.
Boss, de plaaaaains.
This is what I think of when I think “lone ranger.” This kid rules.