Teen Mom Farrah Goes to Rehab, Still Trying to Sneak into Fame from Behind

I find this Farrah Abraham story endlessly entertaining, because every time Hollywood tries to do a send up of “celebrity culture” it’s either misguided (I’m Still Here) or dull (The Bling Ring), yet in the persona of Teen Mom Farrah, we have this perfect, fun-house mirror reflection of fame. If you’ll remember, her big plan for getting to the next level of fame was a sex tape, a tried-and-true method as illustrated by empty-vessels-turned-cottage-industries Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton.

Only Farrah screwed it up, hiring a real porn star and thinking people would treat her planned porno as a sex tape. Which they didn’t. So Farrah’s crew tried to do it in reverse again, trying to stage a fake relationship with her sex tape co-star James Deen after they’d already filmed the porno, going so far as to stage paparazzi pictures of her buying pregnancy tests. Which would be laughable even if James Deen had played along, which he didn’t, again proving that the only guy with integrity in the story was the one from the supposedly sleazy business. Not to mention that the whole fiasco buried the real story, which was that a non-professional from a reality show made a pretty filthy porno (and I mean that in the nicest sense of the word), complete with anal and squirting, and she didn’t seem the least bit inhibited about it. It could’ve been the perfect illustration of the all-women-are-secret-nymphos storyline that basically all porn has been trying to sell us for the last 50 years, if only she hadn’t been following the advice of some wannabe reality show producers the whole time.

Today, Farrah, who recently got newer, even harder breast implants, continues trying to sneak into fame through the backdoor by once again following the example of what the famous do, but in reverse, as she has checked into rehab.

“At this time in my life, I need to stay focused on the positive to get through all of the negative that a DUI has caused in my life,” the single mom to Sophia, 4, tells RadarOnline.

The sex tape and MTV TV show star, who was arrested in Omaha in March for DUI, will undergo counseling over the next 10 days at the Lukens Institute in Palm Beach Gardens, Fla., says Radar.

“I’m 22 and I want to make better choices and ensure I can recognize when I am putting myself in a bad situation next time,” says Abraham, who completed an alcohol education course and was placed on six months probation. [USAToday]

Right, because the road to healing always leads through an outpatient program in Florida. I predict that she’ll successfully kick the booze habit, but will forget a loaded gun in the oven when she tries to make waffles, tragically killing her pet snake. In one way or another, Florida stories always lead to a dead snake. It’s science.