The Australian Government Is Threatening To Kill Johnny Depp’s Yorkies

Senior Editor
05.14.15 30 Comments
JohnnyDeppIntoTheWoods

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Anyone who’s seen “The Simpsons” Australia episode understands the consequences of introducing foreign fauna into a fragile ecosystem. Bringing dogs into the country requires at least a 10-day quarantine, which you’re liable to forget about if you’re flying in on a private jet like Johnny Depp. He failed to quarantine his dogs, the authorities found out about it, and now he’s in trouble. GIVE THIS MAN A BOOTING!

From ABC News.au:

Hollywood star Johnny Depp has been given until Saturday to get his two pet dogs out of the country or have them put down after he brought them into Australia without declaring them to quarantine.

Aw, can’t we make an exception? I’m sure he didn’t mean to. Johnny Depp’s dogs probably stowed away unnoticed underneath a giant pile of baubles and scarves!

Agriculture Minister Barnaby Joyce this morning said Depp had 50 hours to remove the dogs.

“If we start letting movie stars — even though they’ve been the sexiest man alive twice — to come into our nation [and break the laws], then why don’t we just break the laws for everybody?”

“It’s time that Pistol and Boo buggered off back to the United States.”

Clearly that was the most diplomatic way he could think of to call Johnny Depp a wanker. “Oi, take ya pufta dogs and fack off back to the states, mate.”

JOHNNY DEPP: I’m going to appeal this decision all the way up to the prime minister.

BARNABY JOYCE: Yeh, go roight ahed, mate. Oi! Bill!

(*man sleeping under a nearby tree resting a Victoria Bitter on his stomach slowly lifts the cowboy hat covering his face*)

PRIME MINISTER: Eh? Wats this about dogs, then?

Mr. Joyce said the dogs came to his attention after they were spotted being taken to a dog groomer on the Gold Coast. [adorable picture here]

Earlier, on ABC 612 Brisbane, Mr. Joyce said, “If he doesn’t take Boo and Pistol back we do have to euthanise them.” [ABC.au]

If you’ll remember, the latest Pirates movie was already delayed at least four weeks because of an injury to Johnny Depp’s hand. Who knows if this will cause even more problems (mo yorkies, mo problems). All I know is, if this humble Australian agriculture minister somehow managed to save the world from another Pirates of the Caribbean movie, there should be a holiday in his honor. In fact, maybe we could make “Barnaby Joyce: Glib Agricultural Minister” a miniseries. I’d watch that.

(Via ABC News.au)

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