The Dark Lord Himself Is Now Endorsing Nic Cage’s Kirk Cameron Remake

When it comes to the Nicolas Cage remake of the Kirk Cameron adaptation of the rapture-riffic Left Behind, I didn’t think things would get more confusing than the above image from the film’s poster. What the hell is going on with his face? Is that just a terrible photoshop or has Cage begun the slow process of actually having his face taken *hilarious overly dramatic pause* off so that he can finally swap it with John Travolta? Actually, that would sort of explain Travolta’s latest bizarre facial hair. But I digress.

The marketing team for Left Behind added some fuel to the eternal hellfire this week by invoking the name of Satan on a promotional image for the film. As it turns out, that sneaky devil fella doesn’t want us to see this film and save our souls in the process.

Get it? Because the unbelievers will burn in hell and have their eyes pecked out by Satan’s pet demon birds.

I thought I’d take my first step toward salvation by actually helping Left Behind’s PR team by adding quotes from Left Behind‘s Facebook comment section. After all, look at all of that space that could be used for sharing messages of faith instead of making me wonder if that scared blonde girl replaced Ashley Tisdale when she bowed out of production to do literally anything else.