‘The DUFF’ Has A Trailer: Dear God, Someone Has Made The Unsatirical ‘Not Another Teen Movie’

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: there’s a girl at high school and she’s unpopular and unf*ckable, by virtue of being played by an actress who’s strangely not dressed like a lingerie model. She makes some kind of bet or something who cares, and one of the popular kids has to teach her how to dress good and wear better make-up. In the process, they fall in love or something but then she wonders if he was just doing it for a bet or whatever who cares, and they almost break up until he makes a big speech in front of the high school gym or runs through an airport or something f*ck you.

This plot is back again (AGAIN!) in The DUFF, starring the TRULY HIDEOUS Mae Whitman (who is the actress who was in Arrested Development and Scott Pilgrim, not the former eBay CEO and California gubernatorial candidate). Whitman stars as “The DUFF,” which, we learn, is code for “Designated Ugly Fat Friend,” who the hot jock (who labeled her this in the first place) tries to turn into something more societally acceptable, like someone who models. The movie is supposedly based on a book by Kody Keplinger (which she supposedly wrote when she was 17), which is amazing, because they have already made this movie at least 10 times. It looks like the non-satirical version of Not Another Teen Movie, to the point that she’s LITERALLY WEARING PAINT-COVERED OVERALLS.

Accordingly, can’t we just call this Another Teen Movie?

The only way I can make sense of the fact that this dumb plot keeps getting recycled is that there’s a worldwide president of advertising and marketing sitting behind a desk somewhere, grotesquely fat and wearing two pinky rings as he ashes a cigar with one hand and pets his Maine Coon cat with the other, demanding that we keep reminding people that they all belong to easily-marketed to “types.” Please choose one of the five basic cliques that best represents your personal uniqueness! Collect your uniform for $29.95 plus shipping!