Thirty-One Years Later, Castle Wolfenstein Is Going To Be A Movie

Senior Writer
11.02.12 10 Comments
“Take that, Hitler”, a teenage Burnsy yelled while eating Bagel Bites.

I never played the original Castle Wolfenstein for the Apple II, because I was two-years old when it was released and I’m a child of the Nintendo boom era. But I played the ever-loving doody out of Wolfenstein 3D, which is why I’m pleased as a Nazi monster hunter that Panorama Media is moving forward with the long-rumored Castle Wolfenstein movie.

First the (sort of) bad news – Wolfenstein is being produced by Samuel Hadida, whose claim to fame is being the man behind Resident Evil: Extinction and Silent Hill. Those are not technically “good” movies. In fact, I almost walked out of Silent Hill until I realized how funny it was. But now the good news – Roger Avary will write and direct the film, and he wrote Pulp Fiction and directed Killing Zoe, the two quintessential films in my stereotypical suburban white teenager years. But he also wrote Silent Hill, so who the hell knows what to expect?

As for the plot, Geek Tyrant fills us in

The story follows a young US Army Captain and a British Special Agent on a top secret mission to Castle Wolfenstein, where Hitler will be for the unveiling of a new secret weapon. After reaching the Castle, our heroes are confronted with Himmler’s SS Paranormal Division and must fight, not only for their survival, but for a mission that could alter the course of the War.

Of course it’s being compared to Captain America and Inglorious Basterds, because those are two movies about dudes who hunted Hitler and the Nazis, and that’s hardly bad company. Avary, who hasn’t directed since the forgettable 2004 Bret Easton Ellis film Glitterati, is also working the whole fanboy vibe, so that’s another checkmark in positive column.

I’ve been playing the Wolfenstein games since I was a kid, and feel that their outlandish sensibility has deeply influenced my own writing and directing throughout my career. I have always thought Wolfenstein, transformed and opened for the screen to wider audiences not familiar with the games, would be a major cinematic experience, which is why I introduced it to Samuel. He bought the rights, and I could not be happier that we are now embarking on this adventure.

Me too. Hell, a lot of people are going to be really excited about this. But if I can make one teeny tiny little suggestion, please do not, under any circumstances, go the DOOM route with the first person scene. Please. It makes me dizzy.

But please feel free to cast Karl Urban and Rosamund Pike.

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