This Week in Posters: Diagonals Galore

THIS WEEK IN POSTERS: Not that they ever left, but diagonal horizon lines are back in a big way this week. In addition, we’ve got Iron Man, new Stephenie Meyer, a motion poster, and more!

Big Ass Spider!: I believe this movie and poster design is called “the direct approach.” “Yeah, so our movie is called Big Ass Spider! and it’s about a big ass spider.” That’s a great elevator pitch.

I’d like to know what plane of existence that ambulance is driving on, but I assume that will be explained. Perhaps it’s some kind of campy Escher painting.

Here in America, this one’s called The Company You Keep, directed by Robert Redford:

A thriller centered on a former Weather Underground activist who goes on the run from a journalist who has discovered his identity.

For a long time, I’ve been giving Shia LaBeouf the benefit of the doubt, as an actor who might not be as bad as all the horrible movies he has been in might suggest. I think that’s over now. Now I have to wonder if his agent is the actual devil, which would explain both how he gets all these roles and how they turn out.

This poster is for Dark Skies, but it doubles as a poster for Birdemic 2.

Haven’t there already been six jillion movies called “Detour?” (Answer: basically, yes). With a title that boring, you’re going to have to do a little more with the poster. Maybe have a pretty lady paint it on her bewbs. I’m just spitballing here.

According to IMDB:

A documentary that chronicles the life of young college professor Angela Davis, and how her social activism implicates her in a botched kidnapping attempt that ends with a shootout, four dead, and her name on the FBI’s 10 most wanted list.

Produced by Will Smith’s Overbrook Entertainment. Cool poster, now let’s just hope Will Smith doesn’t let one of his kids play Angela Davis. Also, the placement of the logo kind of implies a deep fisting.

So yeah, apparently Huffington Post has a movie department. I assume they just pay college kids $12 a post to copy content from other movie departments (I kid, I kid, please link me).

Shoreline Entertainment has picked up “Geography Club,” an upcoming adaptation of Brent Hartinger’s novel of the same name. The film, from Huffington Pictures, is produced by Michael Huffington and Anthony Bretti.

Oops, okay, so it’s a different Huffington, Arianna’s ex-husband.

“Geography Club” focuses on Russel (Cameron Dean Stewart), who finds companionship in a group of students all hiding their sexual preferences. Nikki Blonsky, Marin Hinkle and Scott Bakula co-star in the film, which is based on the first novel in Hartinger’s Russel Middlebrook series. [HuffPo]

So “geography club” is a place to learn about the gay agenda now?!? The republicans are going to be outraged about this. Though, to be fair, in their version of geography club, you learn where Jesus lives. Also, call me old-fashioned, but where I’m from, if Scott Bakula’s in your movie, you put Scott Bakula in the poster, Breakfast Club homage or no. Sell the sizzle for Christ’s sake.

Ah, finally we have all of Stephenie Meyer’s bland, white characters in the same place. The future is an Olive Garden where nobody smiles, apparently.


This one’s for Bryan Singer’s Jack the Giant Slayer, which I thought was all animated at first, but apparently only the giants are CG. Also, I don’t know if everything will be tilted sideways 45 degrees, but the poster seems to suggest so.

I believe that’s Eleanor Tomlinson, who was born in 1992. Yes, you are old. Not me though. Fart jokes are my cloud of youth.

And that’s Nicholas Hoult, whose career has really taken off since he played the little kid in About a Boy. I want to iron his forehead.

And here’s the extra long poster for the giant. Does anyone miss the diagonal horizon line? Didn’t think so.

Something tells me the actual movie has no chance of living up to a poster this cool. And yes, Xan Cassavetes is John Cassavetes’ daughter. “Xan” is apparently short for “Alexandra,” which I’m told is an ancient Aztec word meaning “twee one.”

My expert analysis of this one: “Neat!”

Here’s John Cusack’s triumphant return to form after The Raven, The Numbers Station. I didn’t get a chance to post the trailer for this earlier, but oh man.

Between this and Wanted, who would’ve ever thought that we’d have so many movies about hitmen taking their orders from random number generators?

“Get it? It’s Knowing meets Wanted.”

“Get out of my office.”

In space, no one can feel you tilting sideways.

Harland Williams AND Nick Swardson? Well I don’t see how this could go wrong.

And I like Nick Swardson’s stand up. I feel like I always have to preface with that.

Terrorists taking over the White House? Please, Morgan Freeman could fix that in one velvety voice over.

I’m sure this movie is terrible, but Rachel McAdams and Noomi Rapace about to kiss? THAT is how you sell a movie. I hope they put Rachel’s old butt double in this:

Simply magnificent.

Burnsy is excited for this one. I would describe my mood as more along the lines of this emoticon :-|

The juxtaposition between Kiefer Sutherland’s facial expression and Liev Schreiber’s here is just fantastic. It’s like they represent both types of white-guy archetypes as portrayed by black comedians.

Home video changed the world. The cultural and historical impact of the VHS tape was enormous. This film traces the ripples of that impact by examining the myriad aspects of society that were altered by the creation of videotape.

The poster makes this look way more interesting than the synopsis. Success?

Cool poster design. I’m predicting a depressing story about environmental degradation and deteriorating diseases. (*rolls IMDB roulette wheel*)

A recently reformed drug dealer, now working as a claims adjuster by day and bouncer by night, receives earth-shattering news, compelling to make peace with his past and search for freedom beyond the concrete jungle of New York City.

Wow, I wasn’t even close. Sounds promising though. Maybe it will be like that Wire episode where Wallace moves out to the country.

What Maisie knew is going to turn everyone’s life upside down! And tilt it sideways!

Cool poster, for Would You Rather.

Desperate to help her ailing brother, a young woman agrees to compete in a deadly game of “Would You Rather,” hosted by a sadistic aristocrat.

A deadly game of would you rather, huh? I’m more familiar with the kind that involves disgusting sex acts with family members. But I guess this is better.

This one is supposed to move. Is it moving on your screen? It’s not moving on mine. Here’s the direct link, though that one isn’t working for me either. Oh well. I’m sure it was the coolest exorcism-movie poster in the history of the world. And now I’ll miss it. Darn.

[Posters via IMPA]