This Week in Movie Posters: Danny Trejo, ‘Doctor Strange,’ ‘Wonder Woman,’ And More

Here at This Week In Movie Posters, we live and die by alphabetical order, otherwise I probably wouldn’t have started with this poster for Autumn Lights. It’s floating heads, inside the silhouette of a floating head! I think the designer had to work so hard to make all those heads work that he forgot why he was doing it. Any clues what this is about? They all seem to be looking up at the sky. Except for the silhouette guy, of course. I have no clue. But “Angad Aulakh” is a cool name. I always like a name that would sound good being shouted during a human sacrifice. ANGAD AULAKH! ANGAD AULAKH! (*holds up severed head of nemesis*)

This looks like some kind of Korean version of The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3, or possibly Unstoppable. It has Korean people and trains, is what I’m saying. And also a scattering of the flying dirt clods that denote “non-stop action” in posters these days. My question is about the guy on the right. I feel like if I were running for my life one of the first things I’d do is ditch my big fluffy scarf. You’re just asking to snag that thing on something. This guy’s not even worried, though. He even has his coat still buttoned.

Hey, I was just wondering what Robert Pattinson has been up to. I like this poster a lot, actually. There isn’t much going on, but I feel like I detect something sinister in their bearing.

The film charts the birth of a terrifying ego during the rise of fascism in the early 20th century. [ScreenDaily]

Oh hell yes. I haven’t seen a good “childhood of a fascist story” since George Lucas screwed one up. I’d also like to direct a future version of this about Will Smith’s kids.

Hmm. You know, if you wanted to stress that soldiers were “real people,” you might not want to use a picture where he has more of his skin covered than Robocop.

It’s… it’s… beautiful. I’ve already bought my ticket. You had me at “Danny Trejo firing a belt-fed machine gun.” In fact, I was so distracted by Danny Trejo and the giant… uh… skull-faced cyborg? behind him that I barely noticed sexy halter-top lady casually-firing a bazooka. I don’t think that’s standard issue, but I like her style.

I’ll be honest, I have no idea who Doctor Strange is and I’ve been lukewarm on Marvel for years, but this poster is pretty fantastic. That you could take a superhero who looks like he was designed by Mystery from The Pick-Up Artist and actually make him look badass is no small feat. Also, I like to think “Benedict Wong” is just Benedict Cumberbatch’s mustache-twirling evil Chinese twin.

First of all, credit where credit is due, at least they lined up the faces and the names. Beyond that, this looks like a prog rock album cover. Which one plays the keytar?

Cool bangs. Do you think it undercuts the “…and where to find them” mystery when you put three separate American flags in the poster? I feel like I have a guess where these fantastic beasts might be. Though Eddie Redmayne might still have trouble finding them with his bangs covering his eyes like an artsy sheepdog.

Did they put a lens flare in the font?? Oh, you scamps. Very clever.

This Korean poster for Ghostbusters makes it look like a dark horror-action film. I’m curious whether audiences will be upset when they find out it’s a comedy.

What kind of fantasy town is this where the commuter train speeds by this handsome multi-story abode? Seriously, I want to know, I bet I could get a good deal on that house, what with the loud-ass train full of nosy broads speeding by at all hours of the day.

I like that Jean-Claude Van Damme looks like he’s wearing a disguise in his own poster. Also I looked at this poster four times before I realized that was supposed to be Gina Carano on the left.

Guy Ritchie made a King Arthur movie with the guy from Sons of Anarchy? Oh hell yes. And I love that they made the title font look like a knuckle tat. Fitting. Also, playing a mythical Englishman from olden times might finally be the character Charlie Hunnamahunnamahunnama’s accent is perfect for.

Gosh, that’s a big ape. I wonder if he heard about Harambe and now he’s pissed. King Kong 2: Harambe Avenged.

I love that Lego Batman just needs a color scheme and some texture to make a cool ass poster.

This cool poster for Mine sort of reminds me of that old Kick-Ass poster (which is one of my favorites). Only with sand and dirt clods instead of water (remember how I said flying dirt is now shorthand for action?). Except that having “from the producer of Buried” up there makes me wonder if this is just going to be another one-man snuff film set in the desert. God Buried sucked.

Another Nerve poster, another pointless diagonal.

Again, why does he need to be tilted sideways? It’s even more pointless in this one, because if they’d only left the horizon line straight, the perspective of the train tracks would’ve made two nice diagonal lines already. COME ON, PEOPLE!

Yes, Liam Neeson is doing Korean movies now.

Now that’s how you do a horror movie poster. This is fantastic. That is all.

So you had this story about a wacky, charismatic pitcher and you hired human mannequin Josh Duhamel to play him? Interesting decision. Josh Duhamel is Hollywood’s least interesting Josh. Josh Duhamel is so boring he makes Josh Lucas seem like Josh Brolin. Have you noticed Josh Brolin is the only cool Josh? Every other Josh is terrible. Josh Brolin should change his name. To “Odin” or something. Odin Brolin. Also, I’d like to think “Brett Rapkin” is Brett Ratner’s Steven Spielbergo.

This is one of Collider‘s special edition Star Trek posters. I forgive the diagonal in this one because of the general awesomeness otherwise.

Remember what I said about flying dirt? Remember? I also like that they put a bunch of names on top of this and I don’t recognize any of them. Wait, maybe Ed Westwick. Wasn’t he that twink from that one show? Probably. Anyway, I can’t tell if the lady on this is sultry or just stoned out of her mind.

Natalie Portman looking back at the camera like “Can you just take the damn picture already?” She’s a very serious actress, you know.

I’ll be honest, I thought a Wonder Woman movie was kind of a dumb idea but then I was won over by the swordplay. Also, I’d like to see her really stick it to the Kaiser. My favorite plots are where someone sticks it to Hitler, but stickin’ it to the Kaiser is a close second.

Oh jeez. I don’t know what’s worse, the idea of another Blair Witch movie, or another horror movie poster centered around trees.

Vince Mancini is a writer, comedian, and podcaster. A graduate of Columbia’s non-fiction MFA program, his work has appeared on FilmDrunk, the UPROXX network, the Portland Mercury, the East Bay Express, and all over his mom’s refrigerator. Fan FilmDrunk on Facebook, find the latest movie reviews here.