This Week in Posters: Now with More Rum Diary

This Week in This Week in Posters: The Rum Diary, the most prolific of all poster clichés, and of course, some cannon-fighting pirate ships carried by zeppelins. Something for everyone, really. Click to enlarge, and enjoy!

The Rum Diary is one of my favorite books, so obviously I’m a little sensitive about the possibility of the movie not being good, because that would make me cry. That said, is it just me, or does the poster seem a tad… zany? There isn’t much going on and it just reads “JOHNNY DEPP ACTING WRY!” to me. Though to be fair, people do love Johnny Depp acting wry. Especially foreigners.

“Mamma mia! We gotta dis-a movie about da Poliziotto. But how we-a gwana letta da people a-know dat-a dees a-movie, she take-a place inna Ireland?”
“Eh, why you ask-a you mamma an estupid-a question? I slappa you face. It’s-a Ireland. You putta da sheep, de a-shamrock, anna da beer. Whassa mattah for you, skifozo, you donna know-a nothing for-a da Ireland?”
“Eh, I’m-a sorry, Mamma. I donna know how I coulda been-a so seelly. Here, I putta da Irish flag onna da sheep with-a da shamrock, for to know-a the people dat she take-a place inna de Ireland.”
“Dat’s-a my boy, Guiseppe. Here, take-a some meat-a-ball for-a you brother. Manga, manga.”
Crossed arms, crossed legs, center framing — ALL ROADS LEAD TO LADY CROTCH! Well done, poster guy, you have my unvaginad attention. Wait, what were talking about again?
Also, can you believe “Juno Temple” is her real name? In fact, her full name is “Juno Violet Temple.” That’s not a person, it’s a drink at a Diablo Cody theme bar.
If I weren’t so painfully caucasian, I would gladly wear this on a t-shirt. Great poster.
The Sitter now joins a proud tradition of movie posters framed by chicks’ legs shot from the rear, perhaps the most ubiquitous poster design cliché there is. Don’t believe me? Check this out:
So this is about an inner tube accident, I take it?
Eh. Flowers are cool, I guess. As long as there aren’t f*cking hydrangeas, because I will SERIOUSLY FREAK OUT.
So they went with the floating-head thing, but at least the names match the corresponding picture. Though it almost looks like a contest for “which lady got the least flattering picture?”
Emily Watson always creeps me out. She looks like a sad, British ostrich. Also, “fireflies in the garden” sounds like a Victorian euphemism for venereal disease. Jeez, this description is really all over the place isn’t it. Hey look, a bird.
It’s another pretty basic poster, but I promise you, this movie kicks ass.
So… he lied about having a baby? About not having a baby? According to indiewire….

Based on a short story by T.C. Boyle, “The Lie” centers on a young couple whose dreams of a wild life together are interrupted when a baby comes into the mix.

Oh right. Guy-looking-upset next to a baby, that’s obviously code for unexpected-baby-turns-life-upside down. Jeez, that’s basic poster shorthand, I really should’ve gotten that. Examples here, here.
Chicks in a bed captured on grainy surveillance footage? Why yes, this looks like an intriguing origin story.
(*covers security camera, lifts one leg, farts*)
What award did Nick Broomfield win, most horrible-sounding voice? He sounds like he’s trying to force oatmeal through a sweatsock with a kazoo. But as long as I can find out more about this fascinating “Sarah Palin”, I’m there. She’s so underexposed, I feel like I’ve scarcely heard a thing about her.
Yo, it’s ya boy, C-Tates, I’m a bigger star than Al Pacino now, ya heard? HOO HOO!
The bullet says “13” because the movie is called “13.” Pretty focken clevvah, innit, Tommy.
It’s about time we had a Three Musketeers poster that actually sold us the damn movie. ZEPPELINS! PIRATE SHIPS! SWORDS! GUNS! FIRE! EVERYTHING COVERED IN MOTHERF*CKIN’ SPARKS! OOH WAH-AH AH– hey, wait a minute, where are the sluts? This movie does have sluts in it, right? I don’t remember who said it, but I was led to believe that there would be sluts.
We need to talk about Kevin. He keeps fogging up the shower and he never uses the squeegee and it makes me sad.
[posters via IMPA]