This Week In Posters: October 28th, 2014

This Week in Posters is back, now with more Creepy Jake Gyllenhaal. Okay, so I didn’t put him in all the posters, that would’ve been way too much work. Nonetheless, it’s Tuesday, so I’ve got your weekly fill of suggestive sex, diagonals, Photoshop disasters, Avengers stuff, and inscrutable imagery. Enjoy!

Oh come on, you couldn’t think of a better subtitle than “A year on ice?” It’s Antarctica, we get it, it’s cold, there’s snow and ice and penguins. At least give us a twist. Antarctica: One of These Penguins Is Gay.

Sometimes I feel like Marvel is having a contest with itself to see how little they can put out that will still have people peeing their pants with excitement. I’d love to see them release ten posters that if you put them all together in just the right way, you can make the “A” in the Avengers: Age Of Ulton logo. People would still freak.

Hmm, okay, let’s break this down… So the polaroids are for the police trying to solve a missing persons case, and the one has a gold star on it because she’s a young white girl that everyone’s worried about, and the other is just some dude who didn’t even bother to shave and so the cops tried to throw his case into the fire. Is that what you’re getting? It’s either that or some kind of magical realist thing where the cigarette in the picture is burning the actual picture.

I bet Ron Perlman did it.

I haven’t seen the film yet and already this giant blob dude is my favorite Pixar character since Wall-E. Can they just make non-human characters forever? Those are my favorite.

Chris Hemsworth plays a computer hacker in this, which I love. “Hmm, how can we make this God-like Viking romance novel model look more like a computer coder?”

“Hmm, I dunno, maybe mess up his hair a little?”

“Good idea.” (*stylist tries to mess up Chris Hemsworth’s hair, he ends up with a single tendril hanging broodily in front of his face*)

“What the hell is this? He’s even handsomer than before!”

All I can think of when I look at this is that scene in Spaceballs where they’re holding their Schwartzes out in front of them like dicks and arguing about whose is bigger. That’s never not going to be relevant.


BORN TO RULE, or to be the lead singer in a new wave band, either way. If you stare at him long enough, you can actually hear the moog synthesizers.