Dragons Be Hoardin’: The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug Trailer is Here

SMAUG! SMAUG! SMAUG SMAUG SMAUG SMAUG! EVERYBODAAAAYY! That’s right, the first trailer for The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug is finally here. And it’s got weird subtitles! This trailer really has everything: Hobbits in trees, dwarves in barrels, dwarves in barrels going down waterfalls, eyebrows, crappy titles, agile elves, dreadlocks, characters eschewing prepositions, gold-hoarding dragons, gay-acting Hobbits, and glitter, glitter everywhere. It’s New York’s hottest night club!

New faces in this leg of the journey include: Evangeline Lilly’s elf warrior Tauriel; Lee Pace’s Elvenking Thranduil; Mikael Persbrandt’s skin-changing Beorn; Luke Evans as Bard The Bowman; Stephen Fry as Master Of Lake Town, Orlando Bloom returns as Legolas, and guess who’s voicing Smaug? That’s right, Benedict Freakin’ Cumberbatch, which means that you’ll finally be able enjoy the gravitas of his voice without being distracted by his awkwardly-moving lips.

Rejoice, Hobbit lovers! Because on December 13th, Smaugs. Will. Desolate. (*WUB WUB WUB*) (*EXPLOSION*) (*CAT GIF*) I wish you all the three hours of grotesque character design and unfulfilled narrative that your hearts desire. Me, I’ll probably being looking to spend that time doing something more interesting, like watch the new C-Span channel about paint drying.

[Hat tip: ThePlaylist]