When Cosplay Goes Wrong: Brazilian "Hulk" stains his skin with submarine paint

Just a reminder for all you kids out there, if you’re trying to paint yourself green like the Incredible Hulk, maybe stick with grease paint or sharpie. Stay away from the stuff they use to paint missiles and submarines.

Brazilian man Enrique dos Santos,35, a swimming pool attendant, was trying to look like superhero The Hulk but used a paint reserved for ballistic missiles and nuclear submarines. The comic book fan tried to scrub off the glossy green in the shower, but the substance stained his skin.

Wait, is the swimming pool at a military facility? Because otherwise this guy’s got some connections. You’d think if you could get ahold of submarine paint you could wrangle yourself a better job than 35-year-old towel man. Also, hold the phone, Brazil has nuclear submarines now? I don’t buy it. Those people would be shooting bottle rockets off in there the first holiday and they’d all die of smoke inhalation. I have to assume their only “nuclear submarines” are spicy sandwiches. So this guy painted himself like a spicy sandwich. Nothing about this story adds up.

And more embarrassment was heaped on him when local papers in Brazil said the woman trying to help him was his girlfriend – when in fact it was his mother.

Ahh, the old “that’s your girlfriend” joke. Works in every country.

He has been mobbed by children in his native country, who Marvel at his likeness to Bruce Banner’s alter-ego.

Okay, did they really “marvel,” or was that just an excuse to make that stupid pun? Because I’m pretty sure if there was a parade of topless chicks in giant indian headresses coming down my street, I wouldn’t be stopping to mob the green pool boy.

But after being scrubbed for 24 hours by as many friends and neighbours as he could get hold of, the paint eventually came off. [Sun]

…What? The guy used paint meant to withstand being sandblasted with ice cold salt water and rocket through the atmosphere at a thousand degrees and it only took a day to come off? I’ve received chiefings that lasted longer (note: never use dry erase markers). From now on, maybe we should paint our submarines with dry erase markers. This whole story is a farce.