Considering how often films cannibalize the best parts of each other – like some sort of thematic Katamari rolling lazily through cinema history – you would think there”d be more sci-fi action thrillers based around women and children.
No. Seriously.
Think about it. Who are some of the most iconic and badass action stars? If you didn”t say Sigourney Weaver and Linda Hamilton, then go straighten out your priorities. I”ll wait. Because whether it's mom Sarah Connor murdering everyone to protect her son, or surrogate mom Ripley shouting “Get away from her, you bitch,” characters protecting their children pings hard on the maternal – or paternal – instinct radar. Yet somehow that emotion is seriously underrepresented in movies.
Welp, see a void, fill a void. If the trailer for “Chappie” is reflective of the movie, audiences will finally leave the theater again ready to rip the heart out of anyone who dare to hurt their proxy child. Just look at how hard the designers go on pushing down all the right protection buttons.
#1 – Those perked up, innocent ears.
This is our first look at Chappie, and I already want to buy him ice cream and a puppy. Just look at how cute he is, angling onto the screen with curiosity. I”m sure the childlike paintings in the background help convince my brain this is robot baby.
#2 – His reaction to spilling milk.
In reality, a kid spilling milk on the floor would be annoying. In this trailer, it is goddamn adorable. This is the confused panic of toddler still grasping the concept of cause and effect, not a terrifying robot hellbent on human destruction. He needs hugs, not deactivation. Did “Short Circuit” teach us nothing!?
#3 – Look at him, pretending to be He-Man!
Urge to punch Hugh Jackman”s character in the face…rising.
#4 – Awwww, he”s petting a dog.
If you don”t feel the need to buy this robot toddler a puppy, perhaps YOU are the unfeeling machine hellbent on destroying humanity. Have you no soul!?
#5 – These little shits are cruisin” for a bruisin”.
Sticks and stone may break your bones, but where are your parents? You point them ou right now so we can have words. I swear to God the playground has become “Lord of the Flies” these days. Who is raising these monsters? Who THROW ROCKS? Get away from him, you bastards.