Watch: 5 things to learn about One Direction in new ‘This Is Us’ trailer

It”s as if little elves woke from their slumber, consulted the teen idol manual that hasn”t changed since Elvis or the Beatles, and then worked their little elf magic to craft the perfect movie trailer for One Direction”s  3D movie, “This Is Us”

[More after the jump…]

 Here are five things you will learn about the British-Irish lads from the clip, all of which will absolutely SHOCK you:

*All they ever wanted to do was sing:
“When I was little I knew I wanted to entertainment people,” says Harry. Adds Niall: “I used to get kicked out of class for singing Irish traditional songs.”

*They are totally adorbs:  They skateboard backstage, laugh, resort to funny, goofball Beatles-type antics such as fishing each other out of the sea, and tearing their too tight trousers, all in G-rated fashion. Even though they were a totally pre-fabricated group, they never, ever argue and love each other like brothers.

*They love their fans:  “I know they love me, even though they don”t know me,” says a teenage girl on the beach, quivering with overpowering adolescent love (don”t laugh, we”ve all been there…..)

*They are good boys: See  Zayn”s mom cry as she”s handed the keys TO HER NEW HOUSE because every single teen idol in the history of teen idol-dom has bought his parents a new house. It”s in the handbook. See the other moms resort to kissing cardboard cut-outs of their sons at night since they are always on the road, spreading their love to their fans.

*They crave adventure: “When you come somewhere completely new, it”s really exciting,” says one of them. And it would be almost believable if it weren”t said by one of the band members in a voiceover that sounds so void of life, so exhausted that it verges on comical.  And then poor Niall has to figure out what to do with miso soup.

 One Direction, which are currently on a sold-out U.S. arena tour, will release its third album later this year. At the end of the trailer, a snippet of a new tune from the album, “Best Song Ever,” plays.  “Best Song Ever” will be digitally released July 22 and 1D will open the “Teen Choice 2013 Award” with its debut performance of the tune on Aug. 11.