Taylor Swift was the opening musical act for the 2014 American Music Awards. The country turned pop sensation gave an eye-popping rendition of “Blank Space,” a send-up to her public persona. But we were all so focused on the elaborate set pieces and Swift”s convincing crazy eyes, we missed out on several obvious cries for help from the back-up dancers.
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These are men in fear for their very lives…Or fantastic actors. Either/or.
#1. Poor budget Taylor Lautner is frozen with fear. He knows this is a trap, he”s just not sure how.
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#2. Gothic Chad did not sign up to be shaken like a Polaroid picture. This is man in the throes of realization he”s made a terrible mistake.
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#3. Tweedle Twins stare in frozen horror. Where will Swift strike next? Stage left of stage right? What can men do against such reckless method acting!?
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#4. Chip knows Taylor Swift, much like a T-Rex, is attracted to motion. If he can just keep perfectly still until the set his over, he”ll be fine. Don”t. Sneeze. Don”t. Blink.
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#5. Hamilton IV wasn”t so lucky. The prey knows it is too late. Swift has him in her sights. There”s nowhere to run. (Please someone do an Actual Cannibal Shia LaBeouf parody with her).
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#6. RIP, Carter of the Chesterfield Carters. You died you lived…overdressed and confused.
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