Jesus Will Save You from Food, Says This Saint

03.12.14 5 years ago

The folks at Everything is Terrible just saved us from food, Satan, and “the arms of Egypt” with this incredible video. 

In what appears to be a collection of self-help clips from exactly 1993, a tall-haired woman who looks like Christine Baranski's scheming cousin tells you how Jesus can come into your life and save you from “the heartless slave-driver called food.” Repent! The kingdom of carbohydrates is at hand.

Here is another holy truth I discovered: It is impossible to pick a best line from this video. Some contenders: “He is not a wimpy lover. He is a jealous, passionate God”; “Let him fill you up as you have never been filled before”; “To me, this is the cancer that permeates America.” There are oh-so-many more. I'll keep you posted if I find out this is just a long lost Jan Hooks character. 

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