Michelle Williams vs. Michelle Williams: July 1-7, 2013

07.08.13 6 years ago

By some strange twist of fate in the year 1980, two bouncing baby girls named Michelle Williams were born, both of whom would go on to achieve fame and fortune – one as a universally-adored Oscar-nominated actress, the other as the third banana in an R&B girl group called Destiny’s Child.

To make sense of this madness, we here at RIOT have developed an ongoing feature entitled “Michelle Williams vs. Michelle Williams,” which will highlight the lives and careers of both Michelle Williamses week-by-week and then rank their accomplishments on a scale we’ve imaginatively dubbed the “Michelle Williams Hotness-o-Meter.”

On tap this week: Michelle Williams performs at the Essence Music Festival, unveils a new lyric video, and tries to derail Katie Holmes’ new relationship. So which Michelle Williams did what? And which of them made the bigger impression? Enrich your life with our full breakdown below.

Score this week: 50/100

The Red-headed Destiny’s Stepchild falls a bit from last week’s solid showing, mostly owing to the fact that no embarrassing wardrobe malfunctions occurred to her on any red carpets – a loss for both her Hotness-o-Meter ranking and also for us, the world. While she was alleged to have given a “moving performance” at the Essence 2013 Music Festival, sadly the event did not feature either Beyonce or Kelly Rowland and was therefore pretty much a wash. Speaking of Beyonce and Kelly Rowland, Michelle Williams “can’t wait” for them to hear her new album, which is primed to move hundreds of copies later this year. Luckily, both of them can now watch the official lyric video for Michelle Wiliams’ new single “If We Had Your Eyes,” which is about seeing through God’s eyes and also has zero to do with a Destiny’s Child reunion.

Score this week: 80/100

Michelle Williams surpasses Michelle Williams in a big way this week, and all for one delicious reason: she is trying to destroy Katie Holmes’ new relationship. According to the always-reliable Star Magazine, Michelle Williams is “determined to ruin” Katie’s blossoming romance with her “Mania Days” co-star Luke Kirby, a Canadian actor who also starred with Michelle in some independent movie about waltzing that we’ve never heard of. Does the fact that the article is sourced extremely poorly in any way affect our steadfast contention that it is 100% accurate? Oh, please. “Dawson’s Creek” feuds never die.

Twitter: @HitFixChris

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