Rating the addictively terrible ‘Million Dollar Listing: LA’s’ cast of bad actors

09.11.14 4 years ago


“Million Dollar Listing: LA” has been back on Bravo for a month. Although its New York spin-off was nominated for an Emmy and has more rear-end nudity, the original version of the franchise has been missed for its curious combination of real estate porn and acting that is so awkward it could be confused with actual porn.

The original has been on the air for seven seasons now, leading to two spin-offs, and this season is the first without any of the cast members from season one. Madison quit after last season “to focus on new and exciting endeavors,” he said, totally believably.

Madison and his orange tan were such characters that they've been replaced by not one but two British people: David Parnes and James Harris. They know what's expected of them, so immediately they showed up at a house and started talking trash about one of Josh Altman's listings.

As always, the scenes on the show feel about as natural as a Chipotle burrito bowl made with Burger King chicken fries and covered in salsa made from a Big Mac that was put in a blender with a Dairy Queen Blizzard.

Perhaps because they are actually real estate agents and have real jobs, the casts of the “Million Dollar Listing” shows have never been as good at selling the set-up scenes and forced interaction as “The Real Housewives” are. Tell two Housewives to have lunch and discuss something, and they make it feel like they were going to do that on their own; tell two MDLLA cast members to show up at each other's broker's open and it comes across like the pre-sex part of bad porn.

So far, the season hasn't brought much drama or found a central storyline to follow, but let's check in to see how each of them has been doing.

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