It’s time for another elimination — and Justin Bieber! Not being a tween, I can’t say I’m overly excited about this, but I understand that many high-strung young girls are very, very excited about it, and having once been a high-strung young girl myself, I’m happy for them. Live the dream, kids. Live the dream. If you’re lucky, Justin will grow up to be an admirable human being and not a creepy, self-absorbed junkie (I’d say that, judging from my teen idols, the ratio could be fifty-fifty, so root for admirable). And yes, maybe one of you will marry him. It happens.
Bieber performs “Never Say Never.” There’s lots of shooting flames and excited group dancing, as befits a big production number. He also wears a very shiny purple motorcycle-inspired jacket, which is actually quite fetching. I will also say the hair is a vast improvement over his signature look. And yes, there was singing, but that’s hardly the point.
Next, Carson Kressley earns his keep by running around and asking people who they’re rooting for. People are rooting for people. It’s not interesting, but I’m glad Carson is making some extra money.
Len requests that Team Paso Doble perform their group dance again. Rob Kardashian does his best Frankenstein imitation. Still, it is a great performance.
First up are Rob and Cheryl joined by Nancy and Tristan. Hmm, I’m guessing Nancy and Tristan are in the bottom. I keep hoping Rob and Cheryl will be in the bottom, but at this point, I just don’t think it’s going to happen.
During their performance, Cheryl has to remind Rob, over and over again, to be intense. For Rob, this means not acting like he’s making a grocery list in his head. Rob is tortured by his big butt. Aren’t we all?
After she gets her scores, Nancy tells Tristan she knows they’re toast. But she still liked their jive. Even though she forgot most of it. But that isn’t stopping her from begging America to keep her on the show. Don’t you have a day job, Nancy?
The first results of the night are… that Nancy and Tristan are in jeopardy. Rob and Cheryl are safe. Of course.
Brooke asks Rob Kardashian if he thinks he’s a dark horse. He doesn’t, because he’s human. Wow, that Rob Kardashian, what a cut-up.
Time for the AT&T Spotlight Performance. Victoria-Rose loves to dance. And she had a brain tumor. She was afraid she was going to die. She had to relearn how to walk. Two months after her surgery, she performed in “The Nutcracker.” Okay, that’s pretty impressive. If I ever have a brain tumor, I want to find her doctors. Christina Perri performs as Victoria-Rose dances. I will say Victoria-Rose is definitely a better dancer than most people who’ve had brain tumors.
Derek Hough has created a special dance for the show with Allison Holker. Fierce. And, of course, very good. This is what happens when they let the professionals dance together. Sigh.
Time for results. J.R. and Karina are up against Ricki and Derek.
J.R. seems disappointed in himself after his “Ghostbusters” dance. And, of course, he’s also disappointed in the crappy song he had to perform to. Ricki and Derek howl over their awesome scores last night. Literally howl, like werewolves. Ricki, when she isn’t complaining, is quite a bit of fun. The next couple safe is… Ricki and Derek. J.R. and Karina are… also safe. I should hope so.
Time for more Justin Bieber. He performs “Fa La La” with Boyz II Men. It is always so nice to see Boyz II Men. Good choice, Bieber. His album “Under the Mistletoe” is available today. Download away, girls!
Next on the block are Hope Solo joined by David and Kym. Hope and Maks are… safe. David and Kym are in the bottom two. David never seems to mind much. I think he’s just happy he isn’t on the Howard Stern show.
Nancy has to be getting the boot, right? The couple leaving is… David and Kym. What? Wait, did I hear that right? I’m not saying David was a great dancer, but he was definitely easier to watch than Nancy “I’d Rather Be Having A Colonoscopy” Grace. “This must be a mistake, because this is my show,” David jokes, and I give him big points for not only having a sense of humor about being offed, but making a topical joke on top of it all. But still, why oh why is Nancy Grace still on this show?
Do you think it was David’s time to go? Are you surprised by the bottom two? And did you enjoy your dose of Bieber?