It’s down to the final ten, and the good news is that there are still a lot of gifted, interesting designers left. The bad news is that there are also people like Josh M., who can occasionally design something great but are just so damn annoying you have a desire to wad up that great design and stuff it down their throats.
Josh M. is SO pissed he came in second in the avant-garde challenge. Shut up, Josh M. Yes, your design was great. But just be happy you were in the top three. No matter what you may think, you’re not winning this thing.
The designers will be divided into two teams of five. Really? Oh no, another team challenge? Why? WHY? There will be no team leaders, so each member picks someone. Anthony Ryan chooses a team member first. He picks Anya. Heidi picks Josh M. as the first team member for the second team. Kimberly says he’s a bully, and Kimberly is 100 percent right. He picks Laura. Anya picks Viktor. Laura picks Kimberly. Kimberly is not thrilled to be on Josh M.’s team. Viktor picks Olivier. Kimberly picks Becky. Olivier picks Bryce. That leaves Bert. Heidi feels bad for Bert. Bert feels bad for Bert. Josh M. feels bad for Josh M. that he is now stuck with Bert. Has anyone noticed that Bert makes really, really good clothes? Anyone? Anya notes that a team with Josh M., Bert and Becky is a disaster waiting to happen. She’s absolutely right.
This is the HP and Intel challenge! Plug, plug, plug! Tim Gunn informs the designers that they will be designing a textile. Anthony Ryan is so excited he could throw up. Tim informs each team that they will be producing a full-fledged fashion show around the collection they create using the textile they design. That includes a video to serve as a backdrop and choosing music. Who brought their iPods? At least three looks must include the textile design, and it must be prominent in those looks.
HP and Intel are inviting a special guest to give the designers advice. It’s Betsey Johnson! I love some of her stuff, and some of it looks like a crayon box threw up in a laundromat. But I will say that she’s nothing but pure fun. Laura likes to say she’s Oscar de le Renta and Betsey Johnson’s love child if they had a baby. Um, no. I do NOT accept that, Laura. You’re more like the love child of Laura Ashley and some crappy boutique at the mall, sorry. Please do something with your “Real Housewives” hair. Thank you.
Betsey urges the designers to think of the whole picture. She urges them to go for the team and throw away me, me, me. Oh, Betsey. That’s so sweet. But it’s not going to work with these guys. It’s like telling the Palestinians and the Israelis to hug it out.
They meet as a team for 30 minutes, then must work on their design for 45 minutes. So, I expect that means 30 minutes of shrieking from Josh M.’s team.
Anthony Ryan’s team starts out completely on the same page. Anya credits him for creating a visual for what she’s thinking. I see win for these guys.
And then there’s the other team. Oh ma Lord of the Rings. Josh M. is thinking carnival. OF COURSE he is. Can he please stop being a nightmare now? Laura likes amoebas. Becky likes gritty. Josh M. thinks five female versions of The Village People. WHAT? Shut up, Josh M.! Can he please stop trying to turn everything into a bad Panic! at the Disco video?
Anya is SO glad to be working with a harmonious team. Ironically, her team goes with the team name Team Chaos.
Meanwhile, Josh M. “don’t give a bleep,” according to Becky. He didn’t get his carnival, so he doesn’t care anymore. He’s going to Bryant Park and he doesn’t need to put up with these stupid people! This guy is almost as loopy as his overly manicured porn star eyebrows. Bert suggests they come up with a team name. Since Team We Hate One Another and Want to Pour Ground Glass in the Communal Coffee Pot is too long, they go with Team Nuts and Bolts.
It’s time to look at prints. Bert can’t get his clock design to print, but no one cares, because his team has already picked what they want from everyone else’s designs. Bert swears. Josh M. thinks people with dirty mouths seem unintelligent. Shut up, Josh M.! Josh M. starts yelling at Bert and telling him to back up, as if Bert might slug him. What is wrong with Josh M.?
Becky thinks Josh M. woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Try planet. Josh M. is ready to forfeit. Good, drop out, you nutbag.
Laura thinks this is Josh M.’s grief over losing his mother. Well then, take a nap, Josh M. Sorry, that’s callous of me, but considering what a jerk he’s been, and is being, to pretty much everyone, I’m not exactly bubbling over with sympathy for Queen Bitch.
Josh M. asks Laura to go out with him to shoot the backdrop video. Laura, to her credit, sees how this might be a good idea, as it will get him away from everyone else for a while.
Becky notices that the other team is laughing and having fun. Poor Becky. It’s like being the diabetic kid with her nose smeared against the window of an ice cream shop.
Josh M. has a vision for the video. It’s basically a shoe fetish video of Laura running around in lots of different pairs of shoes. This looks like a Nine West ad. And oh, they shoot some boring footage of clocks. Can you say mess? Yes, yes you can.
Team Chaos shoots lots of action. People moving, signs flashing. You know, city stuff. Then, Anya suggests they mirror the images to echo what they’re doing in their fabric. I like it. It’s urban, it’s fast, it’s not too literal (you know, literal as in CLOCKS). Can we just declare Team Chaos the winner of this challenge?
Back at the workroom, Josh M. calls the team together. He wants to make a public service announcement. He wants to apologize for his morning insanity. Finally. At least he recognizes his crazy. And he especially apologizes to Bert. They even hug. Bert suspects he’s doing it to cover his ass on the runway. Ding, ding. But Bert accepts it.
Kimberly isn’t using any of the textiles because she hates them. Usually I’d say bad move, but not this week.
Laura thinks Becky’s outfit is math teacher. She thinks Judy Jetson with a vacuum cleaner. Becky is not amused.
Tim time! He thinks Team Chaos has a huge amount of cohesion. He warns them they may have to make alterations once the models come, but hey, big whoop.
On to Team Nuts and Bolts, or Team Crazypants or Team Hate, whatever. Tim’s troubled by the jumpsuit. He finds Bert’s mismatching of fabric troublesome. He’s troubled by the scale of the print on Becky’s skirt. He gets the hives thinking about the top Josh M. says he might make. Operative word: TROUBLE. Josh M. argues with Tim. He urges him to let his ego go. He doesn’t see any potential for a wow moment in the whole collection. He asks the team to join hands for him. He makes them vow to communicate and be honest. When Tim asks you to hold hands, you know your team is toast.
Josh M. is devastated that he got such a rough critique from Tim. He’s weepy. He misses his family. He calls his dad. Ah, his mom’s birthday was in the last few days and he misses her. Okay, well, now I feel bad for Josh M. He wasn’t able to see her before she died. His dad tells him he has an angel on his shoulder and he needs to keep working.
Josh M. devotes himself to playing nice. And suddenly he and Bert are getting along. And then everyone else is getting along. Okay, maybe I was too quick to judge Josh M. He’s just emotionally fragile. Maybe.
Olivier hasn’t finished his pants. There are two hours left. WTH?
It’s runway time! I guess Olivier finished his pants, as none of the models appear to be naked.
Judges are Michael Kors, Nina Garcia, Rachel Roy and actress Rose Byrne.
Team Nuts & Bolts
Josh M.
I hate to say it, but I like the jacket a lot. The pants are very Stephen Sprouse, though. I know the 80s are back, but maybe we don’t need this particular bit of retro — especially when the print says stuff like “delayed” and “canceled.” No one wants “canceled” on their ass.
Becky
I like the jacket. The rest of the outfit is strictly mall stuff and not interesting. The skirt is better than it was, but that’s not saying anything.
Bert
I dig the zipper. But I hate the fact that the fabric is mismatched at the seams and the length of the skirt is matronly.
Kimberly
I’m not sold on the skirt. I like the idea, but it’s very wide across the hips and it barely covers her crotch.
Laura
There are things I like about this (the shoulders) and things I don’t (the way it droops in the front). And don’t like that belt at all.
Team Chaos
Anya
I like this. Very simple, very wearable.
Bryce
The shorts are not proportioned well, I have to say. They’re super short, but the waist seems to hit in Mom jean land, and they look too matronly. The back of the blouse is nice, though.
Anthony Ryan
I don’t dig the bowtie (it’s too obvious an attempt to work in some color), but I do like the balloon skirt.
Olivier
Love love love the jacket, but the pants? Paired with these shoes, they hit at an awkward length. Still, they’re well made. And apparently well-made in two hours.
Viktor
This is wow. I love this gown. Beautiful, beautiful. Love. So simple, so elegant, so well made.
I give it to Team Chaos. Not as much of a landslide as I thought it would be, but still, love Team Chaos.
Team Chaos wins. Duh. Time to talk to the winners.
Backstage, Kimberly wonders why Josh M. is mute. Don’t question it! Enjoy it! Becky, though, has to point out that Josh M. wants her and Bert to go home. And now Josh M. has to open his mouth and do an annoying head wiggle that screams bad drag queen. He says he knows what he knows what he wants to deliver to someone, and she doesn’t. So she shouldn’t be on the show. Just when I start feeling sympathy for Josh M., he has to do something that makes me want to push him off the top level of a parking garage to see if he bounces.
Heidi tells Team Chaos she loves every outfit. Michael thinks some pieces are more sophisticated than others. He thinks Olivier’s jacket is exceptionally tailored. It is, but I wish the model had worn some sort of, um, support. Michael thinks the video had the nervous energy of the city, and the collection represents that attitude. He thinks the gown is fantastic. He doesn’t like the shorts and T-shirt. That’s our Bryce! Rose would wear any of the outfits, even though she’s scared of prints. Rachel thinks the clothes are cohesive and she was glad the team brought in some color. Nina wants Olivier’s jacket. She thinks the collection is good because it feels personal. She doesn’t like the make-up and hair, as she wished it was more polished. But who cares? They won!
Heidi asks the team who should be the winner. They all talk about how much they helped one another. This annoys Heidi, so she calls on each designer individually. Olivier would choose himself, although he says this so softly he has to repeat himself. Viktor says he’s just following in Olivier’s footsteps but he’s choosing himself, too. Anthony Ryan picks himself. Anya picks herself. This is essentially the same thing as saying “we all worked on everything together.” Bryce picks Anya. Well, at least he’s honest even if he’s not a good designer. Bryce is very, very lucky to have landed on the right team.
They’re dismissed to make room for Team Disaster We Hate Each Other. Wait, that isn’t the name, but it just fits so perfectly.
Losers! Heidi thought the collection was too busy. Michael thinks the theme is too literal. Rachel thinks the prints have bad energy. Michael thinks the video was like a hooker convention coming home after a late night. Nina thinks it was like an advertisement for shoes or cabs. Michael thinks the hair and make-up pulled it together, though. Becky, you should wave your hand and get some credit. Rose thinks some of the looks are not flattering. Michael points out that Kimberly was smart not to use the prints in her outfit, as all of the prints sucked. He tells Bert that he gives him props for making a dress that’s so well cut. But he hates the print, of course.
Heidi asked how they worked together. Bert tells the truth about Josh M., both the freak-out and the apology. Heidi notes that Josh M. also fought with Becky. Becky points out that Josh M. almost collapsed the group. Josh M. points out that his designs are IMPECCABLE and all these whiney babies just need to shut up. He doesn’t say that exactly, but he’s clearly thinking it. Josh M. is far, far too impressed with himself. Nina points out that each of the three prints suck. Laura tries to throw Bert under the bus. Josh M. throws Becky under the bus. Josh M. says Becky lost the challenge for them. Kimberly says Becky’s looks weakest. Becky seems pretty firmly wedged under that bus.
Bert definitely isn’t going home, but I suspect Becky is.
The judges talk. Everyone loves Olivier’s jacket and Viktor’s dress. As to the losers, Michael is totally bored by Becky’s outfit. Nina points out that Josh M.’s print pants were awful. Michael calls him a bully. Yeah, but they’re not sending Josh M. home when half of his outfit was pretty strong.
Time for winners and losers. The winner is.. Anya. Huh! I thought it would be Viktor, but Anya’s good, too.
Laura is… in. Kimberly is… in. Bert is… in. Becky is… out.
Becky doesn’t think she deserves to go home. But she’s gracious and she says she needs a vacation. I think, after Josh M., she made need counseling for post traumatic stress disorder. I’m really hoping the guy busts out his bedazzled and gets sent home next week, because I’ve just about had it with his posturing, his tantrums and his unrealistically large ego. Plus, his eyebrows are really starting to bug me.
Do you think the right person was sent home? Do you think Josh M. is crumbling under pressure?